Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience
It is argued that many workers decide to neglect the importance of leisure time
,
and spend most of their day at Remove the comma
apply
work
. Although
this
will help them gain professtional
advancement, I believe that the drawbacks more than the advantages because Correct your spelling
professional
this
will impact a worker
's health.
On the other hand
, most of the worker
prefer to take Fix the agreement mistake
workers
an extra
Correct the article-noun agreement
extra work hours
an extra work hour
work
hours because this
will benefit them obtain a promotion. This
is to say that they prioritize money and good reputition
regardless Correct your spelling
reputation
anything
. Change preposition
of anything
This
is main
Replace the word
mainly
that
most of the Change preposition
because
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
seeking
to achieve targets and start to compete with co-workers in order to increase the chance Wrong verb form
seek
for
getting a high salary. Change preposition
of
For example
, most of the bank workers tend to work
until 10 pm because of the bounses
for Correct your spelling
bonuses
bounces
over-time
Correct your spelling
overtime
work
.
On the other hand
, one of main
disadvantages is that working for long hours is strongly linked to a person's Add an article
the main
wellbing
. Correct your spelling
wellbeing
well-being
Work
-life balance is such
an important factor that most of the worker
under asstimate
Correct your spelling
estimate
estimated
becuase
they are unaware of how it will Correct your spelling
because
effect
their performance not only at Correct your spelling
affect
work
but also
at their home. Overload
Replace the word
Overloading
work
can lead to a
high pressure that Correct article usage
apply
result
in mental health issues. Change the verb form
results
For example
, a recent study shows that the main reason behind mental burnout is the extra work
time. Therefore
, I believe that the disadvantages of long-time work
more
than the positives.
Add a missing verb
are more
To conclude
, while
the main benefit for
long Change preposition
of
work-hours
is the Correct your spelling
work hours
high-paid
income, I believe that the negatives Correct your spelling
high
more
than the positives because of the bad effect on a person's health.Add a missing verb
are more
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task response
Ensure that all main points are fully developed and supported with relevant examples. For instance, your second paragraph could benefit from specific examples or evidence to more effectively support the idea that workers prioritize money and reputation over their well-being.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the logical structure and development of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your overall argument and flows smoothly from one idea to the next. To improve cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to link your ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Work on clarity and language precision. For instance, correcting spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'professtional' to 'professional,' 'reputition' to 'reputation,' and 'bounses' to 'bonuses,' will make your writing more professional and comprehensible.
coherence and cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task response
The main points are generally clear and relevant to the task prompt. You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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