IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of online learning. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. campus effective Online learning: less connect with teacher and distractions on campus : effective communication , more engagement in the group

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Some argue that online
study
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 is more effective
that
Correct word choice
than
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 learning on campus
while
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 others believe
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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. I believe that online
study
Use synonyms
 has far more disadvantages than advantages because
although
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 online school helps
student
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students
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 to learn from anywhere part in the world ,
this
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also
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lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to distractions and less engagement in the class. The main disadvantage of learning online is
that
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apply
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distractions
while
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 learning online with the teacher, It happens with most of the
students
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 living with their family members or with friends because they keep on checking on their
kidz
Correct your spelling
kids
 and communicating with them in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
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 of the online class, which creates
distractive
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a distractive
the distractive
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environment
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 for
students
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, and
thus
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 hard to focus on the
study
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.
For instance
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, in Canada , many
students
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are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 doing online
studies
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 are suffering from distractions around their surroundings,
eventually
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and eventually
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,
this
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 leads to poor
performace
Correct your spelling
performance
 in academics.
Therefore
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 , I prefer
students
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 to
enroll
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enrol
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 in an on-campus program to
study
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 in
a
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an
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 academic
environment
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. One of the
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
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 of having online
study
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 is that it helps
students
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 to gain knowledge from sitting anywhere in the world
,
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apply
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 and save
time
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 on commuting. If
students
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 do online
studies
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then
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 most likely they can save
time
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 on travel and spend that
time
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 on
study
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instead
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 . It is
also
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 beneficial for remote people to save 2 hours of drive and spend that
time
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 on
study
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.
For example
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, in Canada, people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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living far from the cities are more likely to
enrolled
Wrong verb form
enrol
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 in distance-learning education because it saves
time
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 on travelling and they can get
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 education sitting in their place.
However
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,I believe that
students
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 need to join on campus because
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studies
Wrong verb form
studying
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 in their own
environment
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not
that
Correct word choice
as
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 effective as compared to
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 in a group of
students
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 at the school. In conclusion,
although
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 distance-learning education
provide
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provides
show examples
 knowledge anywhere part of the world and saves
time
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 to travel far away from their home, the
students
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 still need
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the heathy
a heathy
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heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
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environment
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 for their
studies
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 to remain
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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 on their goal.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a specific point and contains topic sentences, supporting details, and concluding sentences.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, provide more developed examples and elaborate further on your points. For instance, give more details on how online learning can sometimes be beneficial despite its drawbacks, or provide more nuanced analysis of on-campus learning advantages.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures. This will help in making your essay more engaging and dynamic.
general
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. For instance, avoid errors like 'kidz' instead of 'kids' and 'performace' instead of 'performance'. Moreover, ensure consistency, e.g., using 'students' consistently instead of switching between 'student' and 'students' randomly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion summarizing your ideas effectively.
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