Some people believe that time spent on television and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Few people support the fact that the
time
spent on computer
and television is a waste of Fix the agreement mistake
computers
time
whereas
others view the situation oppositely. I will discuss both views alongwith
my opinion in the impending paragraphs.
Correct your spelling
along with
To begin
with, some folks see time
as very
precious thing which once gone is never gonna come back. So, Add an article
a very
the very
according to
them
Add a comma
them,
kids
should not be wasting their precious years of life by watching television and playing computer games. Instead
, they should be using their valuable time
in more productive activities such
as developing a skill or spending time
with their loved ones which will improve their menatlity
and Correct your spelling
mentality
strenthen
their Correct your spelling
strengthen
relations
. Replace the word
relationships
Moreover
, by
spending more Change preposition
apply
time
in front of screens which is affecting their eyesight alongwith
the lack of social skills.
On the flip side, there are few individuals who Correct your spelling
along with
thinks
that Change the verb form
think
kids
are not wasting their priceless time
by sitting in front of computer or television screens. Considering, the competitive age, in which we are living, these source
of entertainment not only give the juveniles the required break that they need from their hectic study schedules but Fix the agreement mistake
sources
also
helps
them to become more productive. To add more, the minors get to know more about Correct subject-verb agreement
help
the
today's world be it in terms of fashion or societal norms.
Personally, Correct article usage
apply
in
my Change preposition
from
prespective
, I feel like the Correct your spelling
perspective
kids
should be allowed to have some screen time
but it should completely be in
the Change preposition
under
supervsion
of guardians. It will not only allow them to grow mentally but Correct your spelling
supervision
would
Wrong verb form
will
also
help in shaping their future. But, I feel like its
completely Correct your spelling
it is
parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
resposnibility
to set up Correct your spelling
responsibility
proper
timetable for their offsprings which give them Add an article
a proper
time
do
everything in a day.
Fix the infinitive
to do
To conclude
, kids
are like wet clay which can be moulded into any shape depending upon the decisions their parents and teachers take for them.Submitted by kaur75971 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing and signposting between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is connected logically to the next.
task achievement
It would be helpful to develop each point further with specific examples or more detailed explanations. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
language accuracy
Pay attention to language accuracy. There were a few errors in grammar, spelling, and word choice that could be avoided with careful proofreading.
structure
The structure of your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is very important for coherence and cohesion.
task response
You have presented both sides of the argument, which fulfills the task requirements well.
task response
Your opinion is clearly stated and well-expressed. This shows confidence in your perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.