The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The following bar chart compares the proportions of Canadian labour employed in five different industrial sectors (manufacturing,

services

Use synonyms

, agriculture and fishing, construction, and energy) in the years 1850 and 2020.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

workers

Use synonyms

opted for the

services

Use synonyms

sector over the years, and it formed the highest proportion in which Canadians worked in 2020. The manufacturing and agricultural labour force have significantly dropped over the years. In the year 1850, almost one-third of

workers

Use synonyms

were involved in manufacturing industries, and a similar figure was recorded for the

services

Use synonyms

sector at nearly 33%. The fishing industry was the third largest, with one-fifth of the population employed in fisheries and farming. Looking at the year 2020, we notice some drastic developments taking place.

Firstly

Linking Words

, there is a sharp decline in the proportion of manufacturing industries; here the figure dropped to 9%.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the farming sector

also

Linking Words

saw a significant downfall, and the proportion of

workers

Use synonyms

fell to just 1%.

Finally

Linking Words

, the

services

Use synonyms

sectors experienced monumental growth, and nearly four-fifths of all Canadian

workers

Use synonyms

were engaged here.

shahroz99devSun Sep 01 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words services, workers with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

▼

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

176 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Since we were little, our parents told us that the work pays off. So, in order to reach any goals, children have to try hard. Somebody may question themselves: does fate always reward hardworking ones? Or should a child be told that sometimes life is not fair enough? This is a problematic situation that needs to be discussed.
6
band
In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is said that adults all over the globe who already graduated or even found their careers still choose to live with their parents instead of living independently. From the writer's point of view , this trend brings more benefits including lower rate of pressure and ensuring elderly health than the drawback of family conflicts.
7
band
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
People have different points of view about whether having easy access to food produced all over the world is positive. Personally, I agree with the convenience this trend bringing to consumers; however, there are still several problems for the local farmers and merchants that can't be ignored.
8
band
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?
In the 21st century testing on animals is ever-increasing. Some people are of the view that animals should be excluded from experiments. While others believe that, it is important to conduct these tests as they will lead to inventions.
6
band
Writing task 1 (a letter) Your local council is closing the children’s playground in your locality as not many children visit the park. Write a letter to the council requesting not to close it. Include the following in your letter: – How important is the playground for children? – Why don’t children go to the playground? – What can be done to bring children back to the park?
I'm writing this letter after knowing about the closure of the children's playground , firstly, I understand this decision is due to the building materials thrown between the playground and the newly constructed building but, that does not mean there are no alternative solutions for that matter, I hope will decision will be changed for opening it again.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?