Many people believe that children who grow up with little money are more equipped to deal with the problems life throws at them, in comparison to the kids who are born in wealthy families. This essay aims to substantiate this assertion.
The belief that
children
who grow up in a poor family are trained to face any obstacles in life is based on different examples worldwide. For instance
, children
who live in developing countries not only tolerate food shortages but also
accept what their parents do for them. In Africa, children
even harvest to collect crops for their feeding.
On the other hand
, children
who live in wealthy and affluent families. Those offspring have anything they want, and their parents, for example
, try to bring them the best quality food, Although
they still resist eating and are highly selective without spending any effort to get what they like. Thus
, it is obvious that the more you give, the more the child will be spoiled and will not depend on himself.
In conclusion, children
must learn that not everything is available at all times. There are some days with ups and downs, which is the typical life pattern. Moreover
, they can depend on themselves, for example
, in preparing their food, which will have a great impact on their future.Submitted by holamonem79 on
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task achievement
Your main points are somewhat clear, but try to ensure each paragraph develops a single idea more thoroughly. For instance, in your first body paragraph, focus solely on the hardships faced and how these shape resilience. Elaborate with more specific examples or studies.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, some sentences feel abrupt or slightly disconnected from the main argument. Use more transition words like 'therefore' or 'however' to improve the flow.
task achievement
The essay directly addresses the prompt and offers relevant examples to substantiate the argument. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Both paragraphs begin with clear topic sentences, guiding the reader on what to expect. The conclusion neatly summarizes the essay’s main points, reiterating the importance of resilience and self-dependence.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion