There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Currently, it is completely complicated to perform successfully at

school

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

the

overload

Change the verb form

overloaded

show examples

schedule, and some individuals argue that

subjects

Use synonyms

that are

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a second priorities

Correct the article-noun agreement

second priorities

a second priority

show examples

such

Linking Words

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

and bakery time, need to be removed from the curriculum activities in order to give pupils space for studying their main

subjects

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement, because headteachers must give them

opportunity

Add an article

the opportunity

an opportunity

show examples

to do whatever they aim to learn from

school

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boundaries. Every student has

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

talents in every sphere, and

school

Use synonyms

authorities should not remove not prioritized

subjects

Use synonyms

. Because some

students

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

, who are inclined to physical activities or cookery skills, could

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

themselves in the future.

This

Linking Words

means that they will follow another path in which they did not

aimed

Change the verb form

aim

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, the vast majority of adults in Kazakhstan do not work

Change preposition

show examples

the exact field that they studied at

school

Use synonyms

and university. The reason was related to their high

school

Use synonyms

subjects

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when they had lessons of only target-oriented

subjects

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such

Linking Words

as biology or math in order to prepare technical and nursery staff in our country.

In addition

Linking Words

, if

students

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

high

school

Use synonyms

want to concentrate better and receive

maximum

Correct article usage

a maximum

show examples

quantity of scores, they definitely need to have a good

relax

Change the form of the verb

relaxing

show examples

time

Change preposition

show examples

non-mandatory

subjects

Use synonyms

Due to

Linking Words

the fact that

students

Use synonyms

have to balance their

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, unwinding maintains their mentality by enabling them to focus more on their profile-oriented lessons.

For instance

Linking Words

, scientists from Japan proved that

cores

Correct article usage

the cores

show examples

of the brain systems work much better after the rest

between

Change preposition

show examples

hard-work

Correct your spelling

hard work

show examples

, associated with educational purposes. In conclusion, the right decision

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

dilemma is making that

subjects

Use synonyms

not obligatory in the

school

Use synonyms

curriculum in order to give a chance for other

students

Use synonyms

to take part

Change preposition

apply

show examples

if they are interested. I believe that it would be a

dramatical

Replace the word

dramatic

show examples

mistake to remove them.

zhomartSun Sep 01 2024

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Grammar

Make sure to proofread and correct some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'loose themselves' should be 'lose themselves.'

Examples

Enrich your essay with more specific examples that illustrate your points effectively. This will help in making your argument stronger and more compelling.

Coherence

Strive for a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence. Use transitional phrases and connectors like 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' more effectively.

Structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a well-rounded response to the prompt.

Dimensions

The writer addresses multiple dimensions of the issue, touching upon the importance of non-academic subjects for talents and mental relaxation.

Response

The essay provides a solid response to the task, indicating a clear stance and supporting it with relevant points.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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