There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Currently, it is completely complicated to perform successfully at
school
due to
the overload
schedule, and some individuals argue that Change the verb form
overloaded
subjects
that are in
Change preposition
apply
a second priorities
, Correct the article-noun agreement
second priorities
a second priority
such
as sport
and bakery time, need to be removed from the curriculum activities in order to give pupils space for studying their main Fix the agreement mistake
sports
subjects
, while
I completely disagree with this
statement, because headteachers must give them opportunity
to do whatever they aim to learn from Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
school
boundaries.
Every student has their
talents in every sphere, and Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
authorities should not remove not prioritized subjects
. Because some students
of school
, who are inclined to physical activities or cookery skills, could loose
themselves in the future. Replace the word
lose
This
means that they will follow another path in which they did not aimed
. Change the verb form
aim
For example
, the vast majority of adults in Kazakhstan do not work at
the exact field that they studied at Change preposition
in
school
and university. The reason was related to their high school
subjects
,
when they had lessons of only target-oriented Remove the comma
apply
subjects
such
as biology or math in order to prepare technical and nursery staff in our country.
In addition
, if students
of
high Change preposition
in
school
want to concentrate better and receive maximum
quantity of scores, they definitely need to have a good Correct article usage
a maximum
relax
time Change the form of the verb
relaxing
at
non-mandatory Change preposition
in
subjects
. Due to
the fact that students
have to balance their schedule
. Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
Furthermore
, unwinding maintains their mentality by enabling them to focus more on their profile-oriented lessons. For instance
, scientists from Japan proved that cores
of the brain systems work much better after the rest Correct article usage
the cores
between
Change preposition
of
hard-work
, associated with educational purposes.
In conclusion, the right decision Correct your spelling
hard work
on
Change preposition
in
this
dilemma is making that subjects
not obligatory in the school
curriculum in order to give a chance for other students
to take part in
if they are interested. I believe that it would be a Change preposition
apply
dramatical
mistake to remove them.Replace the word
dramatic
Submitted by
zhomart on
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Grammar
Make sure to proofread and correct some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'loose themselves' should be 'lose themselves.'
Examples
Enrich your essay with more specific examples that illustrate your points effectively. This will help in making your argument stronger and more compelling.
Coherence
Strive for a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence. Use transitional phrases and connectors like 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' more effectively.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a well-rounded response to the prompt.
Dimensions
The writer addresses multiple dimensions of the issue, touching upon the importance of non-academic subjects for talents and mental relaxation.
Response
The essay provides a solid response to the task, indicating a clear stance and supporting it with relevant points.