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Band 4.5

In some countries, there is an ever-increasing proportion of population among children who are 15 and younger. What are the effects of this in those countries?

#countries #proportion #population #children #effects
It is a fact that some countries have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 population
exlosion
Correct your spelling
explosion
 among youngsters
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 15 and under. The boom in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new births and teenagers has cons and pros
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 in communities. In
this
 essay, I will write about creating new
careers
Change the noun form
career
show examples
 opportunities and establishing a strong future
country
 as a positive side
while
 the
luck
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of
food
resources
 refers
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a negative aspect of having
children
 explosion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, there are significant benefits of increasing the
children
 number. First of all, it will
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
careers opportunities. To elaborate more, the government's
effors
Correct your spelling
efforts
effort
 will develop the foundations of
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system to fit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all students and build new
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
 buildings for
Correct article usage
the up-coming
show examples
up-coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
 generation.
Thus
, it going to be a great chance to
appear
Verb problem
find
show examples
 new jobs for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
such
 as being a teacher.
Furthermore
, having more
children
 who are 15 and younger means a
crucal
Correct your spelling
crucial
 positive point to
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
 a strong future
country
. To explain, the next generation has an
open-minds
Correct your spelling
open mind
show examples
 for multifaceted subjects , like
engneering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 work,
penting
Correct your spelling
painting
, cooking, and teaching. So, these mixing potentials will increase diverse sides in
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
,
for example
,
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system
as well as
 tourism.
For example
,
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ten years
, China
Rephrase
ago, China
show examples
 had over boom in a child's number, but now it
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
highest
Rephrase
most
show examples
 powerful
country
over
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world in industry and
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 rate of money
due to
 the rise
Change preposition
in explotion
show examples
explotion
Correct your spelling
explosion
exploration
 among youngsters.
However
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other hand, there
ia
Correct your spelling
is
 a few negative
affect
Change to a plural noun
affects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
 child
populotion
Correct your spelling
population
.
Firstly
, the lack of
food
resources
 is one main
darckness
Correct your spelling
darkness
 side. Because the number of
children
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 up sharply, the
resources
 of
food
 will decrease
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
due to
 a lot of
domen
Correct your spelling
women
 in it.
To conclude
,
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
 could
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 negative and positive affect
such
 as
ameliorate
Wrong verb form
ameliorating
show examples
Correct article usage
the financal
show examples
financal
Correct your spelling
financial
 incomes of the
country
 and
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
 new jobs for the people,
whereas
 the
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 is a faw
food
resources
.
Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors. For example, 'It is a fact that some countries have the population exlosion among youngsters who aged 15 and under' should be 'It is a fact that some countries are experiencing a population explosion among youngsters aged 15 and under.'
content development
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and supported with specific examples or explanations. Some points lacked depth. For instance, 'the lack of food resources is one main darckness side' needs more elaboration and specifics.
cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas seamlessly. For example, 'because' and 'as a result' can be used to show cause and effect clearly.
content
The essay presents relevant ideas, making a clear attempt to cover both positive and negative effects of a growing young population.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it well-structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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