Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today's technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Over the years,
machines
have been replacing manpower in the areas of work
, this
has made work
much easier for mankind since all the hard work
is being done by machines
. However
, some see this
development as a major contributor to unemployment around the world. This
essay agrees with this
view because,
one machine can do a job faster and more efficiently than Remove the comma
apply
humans
.
Nowadays, the use of machinery
has become more popular in the workplaces because they can do a job faster than human beings. For instance
, in construction
a company requires five Add a comma
construction,
people
to dig a drainage trench in one day but with the existence of machinery
they would only need Add a comma
machinery,
on
person to operate an excavator which can dig the same trench in less than three hours. Correct your spelling
one
This
shows that machines
are more
faster than Change the word
apply
humans
, therefore
, companies prefer aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
machines
than
hiring Change preposition
to
people
.
More so, computers are more efficient than humans
, they produce clean work
with no mistake
provided all settings are done correctly by simply following a template. Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
For example
, in a bricks
manufacturing Fix the agreement mistake
brick
company
they use Add a comma
company,
machines
to mix cement and pouring
the mixture into frames. The Wrong verb form
pour
proces
is so tiring if done by Correct your spelling
process
humans
, but letting it done
by Add a missing verb
be done
machines
makes the job easier, machines
dont
get tired they Correct your spelling
don't
work
until targets are reached. This
has surely made humans
less needed in these factories because machinery
perform
better.
Apparently, with all these Change the verb form
performs
developements
the Correct your spelling
developments
existance
of technology in the workplace has seen a lot of Correct your spelling
existence
people
loosing
their jobs because one machine can do Replace the word
losing
work
for five to ten people
in
a Change preposition
at
more
faster rate.
In conclusion, the development of technology has caused massive unemployment around the world Change the word
apply
due to
speed
and efficiency of Correct article usage
the speed
machinery
as compared to that provided by humans
.Submitted by sisalt100 on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance. However, to enhance your response, consider presenting a broader range of arguments. For example, you could discuss how technology also creates new job opportunities that require different skill sets.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your logical structure to ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions from one to the next. Group similar ideas together and make sure each paragraph has a clear main point. Additionally, consider avoiding repetitive statements.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are thoroughly supported with relevant and specific examples. In the essay, you provide some pertinent examples, but reinforcing these with more varied and detailed evidence would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay flows well overall, pay more attention to ensuring each sentence logically follows the previous one. This may involve using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise conclusion that effectively summarizes your main argument.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the one about machinery excavating trenches, helps to illustrate your points well.
coherence cohesion
You provide a well-defined stance on the issue and maintain this perspective throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.