IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The figure illustrates annual amounts of three household devices sold in Asada shop. Summarize the given information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The figure illustrates annual amounts of three household devices sold in Asada shop. Summarize the given information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given diagram shows the
sold out
Add a hyphen
sold-out
show examples
 number of
Hair
Use synonyms
dryer
Fix the agreement mistake
dryers
show examples
, Iron and
Vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 in a shop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Asada between 2001 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the most sold devices are
Hair
Use synonyms
 dryers. Considering Iron and
Vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
,
initially
Linking Words
, their purchased numbers were at the same position, around 250.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by 2004, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
Vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners sold peaked at about 350,
while
Linking Words
 the quantity of Irons sold experienced
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sales of Irons decreased to around 190, but
then
Linking Words
 it saw
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 increase hitting a high of about 500. Eventually, there was no significant increase or decrease in the number of
Vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners purchases except
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 fluctuations over the period. In regard to
Hair
Use synonyms
dryer
Fix the agreement mistake
dryers
show examples
, in 2001, it bought over 550
Hair
Use synonyms
 dryers from the Asada shop.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
Hair
Use synonyms
 dryers sold had rocketed to approximately 950 in 2006, but
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend saw an incremental decrease until the end of the period with some fluctuations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hair, vacuum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: