IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000-2010

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000-2010
#employment #rates #three #sectors #economy #uk
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph depicts the
rate
Use synonyms
 of employment in three sectors of the economy in the UK, over a decade between 2000 and 2010. It can be seen
Correct word choice
that, Private
show examples
, Private
Correct your spelling
the private
sector
Use synonyms
 had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 employment
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2000. And, it decreased over a ten-year period.
However
Linking Words
, after 10 years
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 employment
rate
Use synonyms
. In the first 3 years Public
sector
Use synonyms
 remain stable at approximately 38. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there was considerable change until 2005 to over 45. And, in 2006 it had
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 increase.
Next,
Linking Words
until 2010 Public
sector
Use synonyms
 increased slightly to just over 50.
Self-employed
Add an article
The self-employed
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 had a similar line
like
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Public
sector
Use synonyms
. It
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 probably at 18, until 2004 fluctuated between 18 and 20.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, from 2004 to 2010 it grew significantly to 30.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 one is
Private
Correct article usage
the Private
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
. If we compare it with other sectors, it decreased
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than half.
Private
Correct article usage
The private
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 starts at 45 and
dropped
Wrong verb form
drops
show examples
 dramatically to 20. In 2010
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 had
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
, after which
Self-employed
Correct article usage
the Self-employed
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 and the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
Private
Correct article usage
the Private
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by writingiletschecker on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, sector with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: