IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

ou recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. In your letter, say: what the conference is about how you know about the conference explain to him/her why it is important that you attend this conference You should write at least 150 words.

#ou #advertisement #business #conference #work #manager #permission
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Dear
sir
Capitalize word
Sir
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 or
madam
Capitalize word
Madam
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, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to
ask
Add the particle
ask to
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 tell about the conference meeting
that is
Linking Words
 held on
this
Linking Words
 upcoming
sunday
Change the capitalization
Sunday
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. I was amazed when I
show
Verb problem
saw
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 an advertisement
about
Change preposition
for
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business
Correct article usage
a business
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 conference and that's why, I am asking permission to attend
this
Linking Words
event
Use synonyms
. It is one the biggest
Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 where I will have a chance to get
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 and
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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 about the current business scenario and
also
Linking Words
, will get in touch with new
contact which
Fix the agreement mistake
contacts who
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 can be helpful for my
work
Use synonyms
. Because one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
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 attended
this
Linking Words
event
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 time and got knowledge about the market which helped him a lot
on
Change preposition
in
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 his job, he suggested
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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become
the
Change the article
apply
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part of
this
Linking Words
 type of conference. As we are going to
work
Use synonyms
 on
new
Add an article
the new
a new
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 foreign project, I would like to join
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
event
Use synonyms
 from where I can get
Use synonyms
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
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 information which will help me to
work
Use synonyms
 effectively. Kindly approve my decision and permit me to attend
this
Linking Words
 meeting. Yours Faithfully, Ankit Patel
Submitted by ap064911 on

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task achievement
Ensure to proofread your letter for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as ‘ask tell’ which should be ‘ask’ or ‘tell’ and ‘I show’ which should be ‘I saw’.
coherence cohesion
Organize the content more clearly by dedicating a single idea to each paragraph, this will enhance the logical flow of the text.
task achievement
The letter successfully explains what the conference is about and why it is important to attend.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriate and polite.
task achievement
The writing tone is suitable for a formal request to a manager.
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