IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graphic below illustrates the manufacturing process phases for producing
sugar
 out of
sugar
 cane.
Overall
, there is a linear process with 7 man-made stages, with added raw materials
such
 as
sugar
 canes, starting with growing
sugar
 canes and finishing with drying and cooling.
Firstly
,
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
grow
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
 in nature for approximately between 1 and 1,5 years and there are 2 types of harvesting
such
 as collecting all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human-made or
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diggers
made
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. After harvesting, juice is produced by a crushing machine. The limestone filters first
produces
Change the verb form
produce
show examples
 drops and
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 them to the evaporator to produce drop syrup with heating. Pre-producing stages are done with machines
such
 as centrifuges.
This
 machine is responsible for separating
sugar
 crystals from syrup.
Finally
, in the
last
 stage
sugar
 crystals are put iron barrel and dried. And too in stages, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cooling
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each stage of the process is clearly and logically outlined. While the essay covers the main steps, refining the description and sequence would improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in terminologies and avoid repetitions. For example, phrases like 'sugar canes grow in nature' could be simplified for brevity.
introduction conclusion present
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by explicitly summarizing the whole process, not just mentioning the start and end points.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure, as some parts are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors.
task achievement
Include more specific labels related to the machinery used and the role of different agents within the stages to enhance the specificity of the response.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is coherent and provides a general understanding of the sugar production process.
logical structure
The process is broken down into sequential steps, which shows a logical progression from the raw materials to the finished product.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear beginning and end, which helps frame the explanation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend
  • Pattern
  • Fluctuation
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Comparison
  • Relationship
  • Correlation
  • Significant
  • Implication
  • Prediction
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