IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have been working with your company for two years and are interested in a promotion. Write a letter to your direct boss. In your letter: · Explain your varied achievements over the past two years · Express your interest in growing with the company · Ask for a meeting to discuss a potential promotion

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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to bring your attention towards my achievements that helped the
company
Use synonyms
 to achieve lucrative profits in yester years. I am hoping to receive the promotion in my position as I
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been working with
this
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 organization
from
Change preposition
for
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 a long period of time .
Furthermore
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, I never
step
Wrong verb form
stepped
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 back to work even during the weekends or the times when
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
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 was facing
recession
Correct article usage
a recession
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 in
market
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the market
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I always looked myself to
step
Wrong verb form
stepping
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 forward with the growing stairs of the
company
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. I was working 24/7 for its better growth and to meet its targets. Being a supervisor, I tried to bring my team together and make
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 efforts to make higher profits. I have been observing the manager
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long term and learnt numerous
stratergies
Correct your spelling
strategies
 to maintain the team and work cooperatively. I would be obliged if you could spare some time for me to arrange a meeting with you in the cafeteria. As the manager of my department is
retairing
Correct your spelling
retiring
retaining
 soon,
thus
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, I wanted to talk about
this
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 position and my promotion. I will put my best efforts to take the
company
Use synonyms
 to
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 of its heights. Waiting to hear from you soon. Yours sincerely, Navneet Kaur.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and logical structure, consider organizing your letter into clearer paragraphs with distinct ideas. Each paragraph should introduce a new point or aspect of your achievements and goals.
task achievement
Ensure you proofread your letter for minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies, such as 'stratergies' and 'retairing' which should be 'strategies' and 'retiring'.
task achievement
Use more formal language and a professional tone consistently throughout your letter to improve cohesion and suitability of the writing tone.
coherence cohesion
Your letter contains a clear structure with a greeting and closing, establishing a respectful and professional tone.
task achievement
You clearly outline your achievements and express your desire to grow within the company, addressing the task requirements directly.
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