IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people buy new models of phones, computers and other technology immidatey and other prefer to buy after a while which launch. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #models #phones #computers #technology #immidatey
Some individuals tend to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge
goods
such
 as mobile and computers
barskly
Correct your spelling
barely
 when they
release
Wrong verb form
are released
show examples
 for customers in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
,
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 prefer to buy them after a
while
. In my opinion, buying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
goods
 quickly is not an effective option and
people
 should be patient. Both perspectives require careful evaluation which will be discussed here first. The opponent of buying after a duration point out
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 latest product provide the best quality and facilities for customers. In fact, they purchase. The new devices
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
benefit
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 latest version of
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 like
high resolution
Add a hyphen
high-resolution
show examples
 cameras or expanded screens
furthermore
 some
people
 are engaged
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rivalry in their communities
thus
 they try to buy the product as soon as they unveil
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
 as a
last
 point
this
 tendency
refer
Change the verb form
refers
show examples
 to generation of person.
For instance
, a teenager is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
fond of technological advancemnets، and
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
show examples
 on new electrical
products
.
On the other hand
, the
supporter
Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
show examples
 of
this
 notion say the newest.And
products
 are not
budget friendly
Add a hyphen
budget-friendly
show examples
 today.
That is
, some
people
 who are badly off cannot afford the prices of new
products
.
Moreover
,
this
 situation whether buying quickly or not depends on their age group.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
 usually are not novelty
seeker
Fix the agreement mistake
seekers
show examples
 and they do not pay attention to modern
goods
.
Lastly
, some part of
people
 were nurtured more cautiously and they want to make sure about the efficiency of a product.
Therefore
, they endure
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the new
goods
.will be used widely
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by other members of society in
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some
people
 desire to buoy the advanced electronic devices very soon i believe that it may not be in
Correct pronoun usage
their favor
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
if individuals allow other
people
 to try new
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
show examples
products
 throughout the frame time they will make
precise
Add an article
the precise
a precise
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 to
Correct your spelling
port
prot
Correct your spelling
protect
Submitted by raha.roham1994 on

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic at hand, but it can be made clearer with a stronger thesis statement. Ensure the main points of argument are clearly presented to guide the reader.
task achievement
When discussing both perspectives, maintain a neutral tone until stating your opinion in the conclusion. This will help in presenting a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with sentence structure and coherence. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Consider revising such sentences for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to provide a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. This improves readability and coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and ensure they are relevant to strengthen your argument. Provide specific instances or studies where possible for added relevance and support.
task achievement
The conclusion is crucial and needs to be more detailed. Summarize the key points discussed and clearly reiterate your opinion to leave a lasting impact.
task achievement
You address both perspectives on the given issue, which is critical for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and attempts to provide relevant reasons for both views.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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