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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the birth rate, population growth rate and death rate from 1940 until 2020 in Scotland. The three different veriables are measured in percentages

The line graph shows the birth rate, population growth rate and death rate from 1940 until 2020 in Scotland. The three different veriables are measured in percentages
#line #birth #rate #population #growth #death #scotland #three #veriables #percentages
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The line graph provides information about demographic trends
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Scotland between 1940 and 2020. There are three variables which are birth
rate
, population growth
rate
 and death
rate
.
It is clear that
 all the variables are experiencing a decreasing trend. First and foremost,
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
 experienced a significant fluctuation during the period. It had a
steap
Correct your spelling
steep
 decline from approximately 2.5% in 1940 to 0.5% in 2020.
Simiarily
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of death
also
 displayed an almost similar pattern over time until 2000. It decreased from 1.5% to roughly 0.3% during the period.
Whereas
, it stayed stable for the next 10 years and
then
 started to increase gradually since 2010. Taking a closer look
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the graph, we can see that
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
rate
 of the population
also
 fell after the rise between mid
1940s
Correct your spelling
mid-1940s
 and
mid 1950s
Add a hyphen
mid-1950s
show examples
. It reached a peak at a figure of 1.5% in around 1955 and saw the most notable decline over 50 years. After
mid 2000
Add a hyphen
mid-2000
show examples
, we cannot see any population grow.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • death rate
  • population growth rate
  • percentage
  • fluctuation
  • trend
  • peak
  • decline
  • stabilize
  • demographic
  • interrelate
  • historical events
  • social policies
  • economic conditions
  • healthcare advancements
  • variable
  • measured
  • decade
  • significant
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