Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.

#people #children #influences #behaviour #amount #time #television #haviour #ws

There are split opinions regarding

influences on

children

behaviors

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behaviours

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. Some believe that

channels

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are effective

show examples

effective

Correct word choice

apply

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negatively on

children

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children's

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

Rephrase

negatively, whereas

show examples

whereas

another group of thinkers support that the hours of watching television

effective

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are effective

show examples

dramatically

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apply

show examples

kids

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kids'

kid's

show examples

attitudes.

Therefore

, before commenting on my decision, both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

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would be discussed. Examining the former opinion, the primary

arguments

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argument

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the supporters would put

forwards

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forward

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is television programs influence

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apply

show examples

kids

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kids'

kid's

show examples

minds.

That is

because

channels

include wild-range programs that are not appropriate for all ages.

For example

, Romantic movies have immoral shots

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show examples

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

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under 18 years old. The

Children

who watch

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

films might copy

Correct article usage

the actors

show examples

actors

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actors'

actor's

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bad

movement

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movements

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In addition

, they

also

believe that when young watching

, they acquire foreign culture. To elaborate more,

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the early age between 3 to 15 years old, individuals in

this

age sharply acquire knowledge and

moral

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morals

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;

therefore

, overseas cultures

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

appear

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show examples

channels

could

Correct pronoun usage

which could

show examples

influence

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apply

show examples

children

mixed

Wrong verb form

mixing

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their mother

country

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country's

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culture with another one.

On the contrary

, the

later

Correct your spelling

latter

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view

suggest

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suggests

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that the time that

children

had spending

play

Correct subject-verb agreement

plays

show examples

significant

Add an article

a significant

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role

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show examples

their attitudes. Because

this

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of this

show examples

, having

over time

Correct your spelling

overtime

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front

Correct article usage

the front

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television screen could loss

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

health of

children

. To clarify, sitting

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show examples

front

Correct article usage

the front

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screen without movement will

effect

Verb problem

apply

show examples

negatively on child development and

psychology

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psychological

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health. They will be more

anger

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angry

show examples

and isolated from society.

Moreover

this

unhealthy lifestyle produces

danger

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dangerous

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diseases

such

overweight

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being overweight

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, physical and

psychology

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psychological

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issues

as well as

hard

disease

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diseases

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due to

Correct article usage

a decrease

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decrease

Replace the word

decreased

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rate

on doing

Verb problem

show examples

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

To conclude

and give my opinion, I would say that both

miss-control

Correct your spelling

the control

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of time management and

channels

influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

through

types

Correct article usage

the types

show examples

of programs and

period

Fix the agreement mistake

periods

show examples

of watching

. So, the most ideal way to deal with

this

situation is by parents’ careful observation.

Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on Wed Sep 04 2024

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grammar

To improve the essay, focus on correcting grammatical errors and ensuring proper sentence structure. For instance, use 'children's behavior' instead of 'children behavior' and 'TV channels affect' instead of 'TV channels effective.'

coherence

Enhance coherence and cohesion by using more linking words and phrases, such as 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' etc. to facilitate a smoother flow of ideas.

examples

While the essay does provide examples, they could be more relevant and specific. For example, mention actual TV shows or cultural elements that might influence children and use statistical data if possible.

structure

The essay covers both perspectives of the argument and provides a personal opinion, which is excellent for task achievement.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame the essay, making it easier to understand the writer's stance.

content

The essay attempts to provide reasons and examples for the opinions expressed, which is crucial for a complete response.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
57Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

Some people believe that communication skill is important in convincing people while others have a different point of view. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Some say that advertisements of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisement to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, companies allow people to work from home. In others, people are still expected to work in an office. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.