IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand, what measurements can governments and individuals take to respong to this problem?

#water #resource #parts #world #demand #measurements #governments #individuals #respong
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Nowadays, manantial
water
 has become a limited resource in
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 part of the world. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will argue about
this
 phenomenon and solutions that people and governments should apply.
Firstly
, it is very important to understand that we are living in an overpopulated world.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited resources like
water
 can not sustain the high demand of
consumitors
Correct your spelling
consumers
. Some might argue that
governmets
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 must invest more money in technology in order to
de-salanised
Correct your spelling
de-salanise
 the sea
water
 others claim that the ocean
water
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not pure,
humans
Correct word choice
and humans
show examples
 should not drink it.
However
, governments should take action in order to achieve the lack of pure
water
. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, a study from Colorado
Univeristy
Correct your spelling
University
 declares that in 2022 in Japan, the government transform sea
water
 into drinkable
water
.
Secondly
, the
demitrimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effects of capitalism
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become dangerous for humans.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial expansion
requiere
Correct your spelling
requires
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
water
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their processes .
Also
, agricultural activity
contibuites
Correct your spelling
contributes
 significantly to
water
 consumption.
Likewise
,
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 techniques of farming increase the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
water
.
As a result
, large rivers have been dried by the production of primary products like corn or soy.
For instance
, an
articule
Correct your spelling
article
 from TIMES magazine affirms that global
warning
Correct your spelling
warming
show examples
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 contaminate thousands of litres of
glaciar
Correct your spelling
glacier
glacial
water
 every year. In conclusion, it is important to understand that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
maintain
Change the verb form
maintains
show examples
this
rithym
Correct your spelling
rhythm
 of consumerism we could face a big
water
 crisis worldwide.
However
, governments should invest in infrastructure to recycle
water
 and educate their people.
Submitted by marcodimonaco89 on

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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to catch minor grammatical mistakes and spelling errors, such as 'manantial' instead of 'fresh,' 'consumitors' instead of 'consumers,' 'de-salanised' instead of 'desalinated,' and so on.
supporting evidence
Use more specific statistical data or facts to support your statements. For instance, rather than just mentioning what a study from Colorado University says, provide more details and ensure the examples are relevant and specific.
structure
Improve the structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and all sentences within the paragraph should support that idea.
conclusion
The conclusion summarizes the key points discussed, but it would be strengthened by direct recommendations or more concrete suggestions for individual actions in addition to government actions.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a structured flow.
task achievement
You identify multiple causes of the increased demand for fresh water and suggest concrete actions that governments could take.
task response
The overall theme of the essay is relevant and tackles the given problem effectively, showing that you understand the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • global problem
  • population growth
  • industrial expansion
  • agricultural activities
  • urbanization
  • water conservation policies
  • water-saving technologies
  • infrastructure
  • wastewater treatment
  • recycling
  • public awareness campaigns
  • water conservation
  • mindful use
  • domestic use
  • sanitation
What to do next:
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