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Band 4.5

The best way to deal with the rising problem of traffic and transportation is by encouraging people to live in cities rather than in suburbs and in the countryside. What are the effects of rapid population growth in the city? How can the quality of life of city dwellers be maintained?

#traffic #transportation #people #cities #suburbs #countryside #effects #population #growth #city #quality #life #dwellers
Over
Correct your spelling
Overpopulation
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population
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 massive concern nowadays. Some of them
are think
Change the verb form
think
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 that dwellers tend to live in
cities
ratherthan
Correct your spelling
rather than
 living in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
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 and countryside.
Population
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
cities
 can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
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to
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apply
show examples
numoures
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rumours
 issues in
cities
 . In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
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I
show examples
 will discuss the
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effects and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
feasible measures to tackle
this
 challenge. One of the significant
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 about
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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of
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apply
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
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 is that leads to
Correct article usage
an incresing
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incresing
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increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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number of
homeless
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the homeless
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community
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communities
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. To be more precise, when
population
 has brought the accommodations likely to be inadequate
such
 amount of
people
 since many of the
people
needd
Correct your spelling
need
needed
 to stay outside the houses like
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 roadsides where they have to face various
Correct your spelling
challenges
challanges
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challenges
such
 as threaten from robbers, likely to be infected by
diseaes
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
 and many more. The best way to eradicate
this
 issue is
renowation
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renovation
 of
infrasructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 of the
cities
 . In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 some measures to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban planning in
appropriate
Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
show examples
 way. If
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 doing
such
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 that
immplemented
Correct your spelling
is implemented
 to curb
this
 issue .Singapore is the country
that is
 the best example to tackle
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, they implemented the best
plannig
Correct your spelling
planning
 and that
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
helped to manage the overpopulation.
Furthurmore
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Furthermore
, the next obvious concern of
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
 density of
people
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increasing crime rates. When
people
 are crowded criminals have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
oppourtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 criminal activities
such
 as pickpocketing , gold thefts and robberies. To solve
this
 problem
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should take some
immidieate
Correct your spelling
immediate
 actions
such
 as fixing security cameras and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the army force in the
cities
. if they do that these crime
rates
Add a verb
rates are
rates were
show examples
 likely to be
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
.
To conclude
, overpopulation
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
massive effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the dwellers who are living in
cities
such
 as rising homeless
people
 and higher
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime rates. To tackle these issues
govermebt
Correct your spelling
government
 should be
doing
Verb problem
taking
show examples
 some measures
such
 as urban
plannig
Correct your spelling
planning
 and
tighten
Wrong verb form
tightening
show examples
 the security system.
Thus
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
implement
Verb problem
take
show examples
 immediate action
otherwise
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 a huge problem for future generations.
Submitted by jivenica1998 on

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coherence
Make sure all paragraphs are clearly structured with a main idea, explanation, and examples to support the point. This will improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and show a wider range of language skills.
task achievement
Always proofread your work to correct grammatical errors, as these can hinder the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure each part of the essay directly addresses the question to show a comprehensive understanding of the task.
task achievement
You have identified key issues such as homelessness and crime, which are relevant to the topic.
coherence
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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