The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social resposibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
The highest
puprose
of businesses is profit without possessing social Correct your spelling
purpose
responsibilities
. I strongly dissagree
with Correct your spelling
disagree
this
statement and, i
think that social Change the capitalization
I
responsibilities
have to be considered.
To start with, companies have to think about difficulties and how that business will affect on
society. If they will only concentrate on wealth, they could miss new customers Change preposition
apply
due to
the absent
of actions. Replace the word
absence
For example
, a mature person went to the vape shop, and when he appeared, he noticed that there
are quantity of teenagers Correct pronoun usage
apply
are
smoking. The man did not like that scene and exited Wrong verb form
were
vape
shop Correct article usage
the vape
due to
the fact that this
store brings harm to young individuals. Also
, when police will know about vape sailings to the under twenty one
aged people, the store will get a huge penalty.
Add a hyphen
twenty-one
Furthermore
, businesses that do not avoid responsibilities
have a marvelous
image for customers. Companies can make more money by the right actions and behaviour of employees. These workers attract more customers and Change the spelling
marvellous
recieve
loyalty, and it can lead to long-term profitability. Correct your spelling
receive
As
Change preposition
For
an
instance, someone's wife has Correct article usage
apply
a
desire to purchase Change the article
the
new
ring, and when she Add an article
a new
came
Wrong verb form
comes
in to
the Join the words
into
jewelry
store, the seller Change the spelling
jewellery
was
polite with her and Wrong verb form
is
gave
beneficial recommendations. These actions Wrong verb form
gives
was
liked by Change the verb form
were
woman
and she started to recommend Add an article
a woman
the woman
this
boutique to her relatives and buddies.
To sum up
, associations prioritize making more money without giving attention to have
public Unnecessary verb
apply
responsibilities
. I cannot agree with this
notion and, i
believe that every firm has to possess social concern.Change the capitalization
I
Submitted by tamerlankts on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Ensure examples are relevant and directly support the main points in the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic and supports it with examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite