IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What can be done to make people drink less?

Nowaday
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Nowadays
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, an increasing number of
sugar
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-based
drinks
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 have been repeatedly consumed on a daily basis. In
this
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 essay, some reasons why
people
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 use these
products
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as well as
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 some solutions to the situation will be given. There are some reasons why
people
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 consume excessive beverages that contain a large amount of
sugar
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.
First,
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delicious
flavors
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flavours
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 from these
products
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 can make consumers feel happy and release their stress.
For example
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,
trans-national
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transnational
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 beverage ventures
such
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 as Coca-Cola or Nestle often a wide range of
products
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 with many different
flavors
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flavours
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 to attract customers from distinct age
group
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groups
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 or countries.
Second,
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these beverages are often sold at affordable prices so that
people
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 from various financial
background
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backgrounds
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 can be able to buy soft
drinks
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 every day.
In addition
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,
sugar
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-based
drinks
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 are perfect alternatives for alcohol-based
products
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 to be used in social events.
For example
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,
due to
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 traffic laws,
people
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 who drive cars or motorbikes tend to switch to Sting or Sprite
instead
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 of beer or wine. For that reason, several ways will be given to help
people
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 reduce the consumption of these
products
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.
First,
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the government can increase the tax on soft drink companies so that
people
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 can buy fewer of these
products
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.
Second,
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beverage companies can produce more
products
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 containing natural
sugar
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such
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 as juice, or Kombucha with delicious tastes for customers.
Finally
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, the government can create more programs to encourage
people
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 to use
less
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fewer
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products
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 containing
sugar
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.
For example
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, health programs can be shown on television so the public can understand the negative impact of
sugar
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 on the body. In conclusion, everyone usually
drinks
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sugar
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-based
drinks
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 because they would like to release stress and protect themselves.
Therefore
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, increasing
tax
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taxes
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, creating more
products
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 with less
sugar
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, and making more health programs are effective solutions.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim to improve the transition between sentences and paragraphs. Use more varied linking words to create smoother flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that all points in the main body are supported with well-developed examples to make arguments more convincing and relevant.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both aspects of the task: reasons for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and potential solutions to reduce this trend.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as mentioning Coca-Cola, Nestle, and traffic laws, to support the points being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
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