Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help peopleand societies the way people of other occupations such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some individuals
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that sportsmen have higher
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
any other field in society
such
as
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, doctors and so on. In my contend, I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
partically
Correct your spelling
particularly
partially
disagree with
this
statement.
To begin
with, sportsmen play only for
short
Add an article
the short
a short
show examples
time period,
hence
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sportsmen take early retirement.
Therefore
, they deserve
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
salary. A recent survey conducted by Time News of India
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
showed the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
take retirement
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
in their early 40s.
Additionally
, the
sportmen
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
work for the name and fame of the country. Good
sportmen
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
give fame to their country
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a proper and clear introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument. Both parts are crucial for outlining your main ideas and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples and evidence. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas and arguments, making them more compelling and solid.
coherence cohesion
Work on forming more complex sentences to enrich your essay's coherence and cohesiveness. Transition words and varied sentence structures can greatly improve the flow.
task achievement
You raised relevant points about the comparatively short career span of sportsmen and their contribution to their country’s fame. These are important aspects to consider.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear effort to address both sides of the argument, which is beneficial for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • justified
  • revenue
  • generate
  • advertisers
  • career span
  • compensation
  • entertainment
  • social cohesion
  • national pride
  • market dynamics
  • demand for skills
  • perceived societal value
  • inspire
  • engage
  • pursue
  • economic principles
  • essential services
  • salary structures
  • occupations
  • disparity
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