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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#percentage #australian #workforce #five #industries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
the line graph illustrates some information about Australian
labors
Fix the agreement mistake
labor
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 in five
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 industries section from 1962 to 2012. service witnessed
dramatically
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a dramatic
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raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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, three-fivs more than
1962
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in 1962
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,
while
 manufacturing and agriculture experienced
Correct article usage
a steadily
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steadily
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steady
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 decrease , 60% and 50% respectively less than beginning, other sections
such
 as mining and construction followed the same consistent pattern most of
Australian
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the Australian
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 workforce was occupied in
service
Correct article usage
the service
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 section
which
Correct word choice
and
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 only 50% of those worked in service in 1962 ,
then
 the proportion significantly surged 30% during forty years,
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apply
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while
. manufacturing had the most of reduction at
same
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the same
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 time which it was nearly 25% in 1962, after four and
half
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a half
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deacades
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decades
, it reached 10%.
Besides
, agriculture had a
downwards
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downward
show examples
 trend which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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halved from approximately 10% to 5%.
Workforce
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The workforce
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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worked in construction and mining had a similar pattern
which
Change preposition
in which
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 both of them
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
remain
remind
 at
same
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the same
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percemtage
Correct your spelling
percentage
,
for example
, construction had 10%
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of labors
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labors
Change the spelling
labours
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 in 1962 and
Correct article usage
the porportion
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porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of those was the same in 2012 ,meanwhile percentage of people had a job in mining section was bellow two
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 during 40 years.
Submitted by pooya.sheytoon2 on

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