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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You have recently started a job in a new company.Write a letter to an English speaking friend. In your letter, - Explain why you changed the job - Describe your new job - Tell him/her your other news

#job #company #english #friend #news
Dear Mandeep, How are you? I want to tell you about my new
job
 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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statred
Correct your spelling
started
this
 month.
Firstly
, you know that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 was working in Canadian Tire as a packer.
From
Change preposition
Since
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 the
starting
Replace the word
start
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 of
year
Add an article
the year
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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was
Verb problem
have been
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 looking for
new
Add an article
a new
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job
 in my nursing profession.
Last
 month
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 applied
in
Change preposition
to
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dynacare
Change the capitalization
Dynacare
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 and they called me for
interview
Add an article
an interview
the interview
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 and
finally
i
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I
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 got
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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.
Secondly
,
i
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I
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 feel very lucky that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 got my dream
job
 as a
labortary
Correct your spelling
laboratory
 assistant. The location of work
also
Rephrase
apply
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near to house
as well as
timing
Add an article
the timing
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 of
Correct article usage
the shift
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shift
Fix the agreement mistake
shifts
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also
 perfect for my schedule. Well,
i
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I
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 am very happy now as
i
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I
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 told you two months ago
i
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I
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 am really struggling to find a
job
. I am very
gald
Correct your spelling
glad
 and thankful to God because my dream come
to
Change preposition
apply
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true.
Lastly
,
i
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I
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 have
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 more news that
i
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I
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wanna to
Remove the extra word
wanna
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told
Wrong verb form
tell
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 you. The one is
greatest
Change the article
the greatest
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 news about my sister now she got her work permit and
i
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I
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 cleared my G2
in
Change preposition
on
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second
Change the article
the second
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 attempt.
Additionally
, when we meet next time
i
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I
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 will definitely
pickup
Correct your spelling
pick
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 you
from
Change preposition
up from
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airport
Add an article
the airport
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. Hope so you will be happy and
i
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I
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 Can't wait to meet you. Lots of love, Harpreet
Submitted by mbrar9503 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more paragraph breaks to enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
Work on minor grammatical errors and capitalization issues, like 'i' instead of 'I' and 'labortary' instead of 'laboratory'.
Task Achievement
You've covered all the essential points: why you changed the job, what the new job is like, and other news.
Task Achievement
Your letter has a warm and personal tone, which is very suitable for a letter to a friend.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of opening and closing remarks that suit the context of an informal letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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