IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjets, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or this disagree? op1; develop the creativity and imagination for kids is very important op2: develop of perseverance in learning process like music instruments

#art #classes #child’s #development #subjets #schools #disagree #creativity #imagination #kids #perseverance #process #music #instruments
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Nowadays, it is very important for children
learn
Add the particle
to learn
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 different
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
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 of art
such
 as music or painting. Some might argue that arts subjects must be mandatory in schools and high schools. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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this
 is true because
connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
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 us to our creativity and present moment. In
this
essay
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essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will argue about how art impacts
in
Change preposition
apply
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young generations.
Firstly
, in
this
 modern
world
Add a comma
world,
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 we are facing big
dilemas
Correct your spelling
dilemmas
dilemma
 with technology and with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overconnected phones.
Furthermore
, Society
are
Change the verb form
is
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 under big
pression
Correct your spelling
pressure
 in order to reach
succesfull
Correct your spelling
success
instead
 of happiness. I believe art is very important for young generations.
As a result
, children can develop their imagination and connect with the present moment.
However
,
this
 modern era
push
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pushes
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 us to be in
opposite
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the opposite
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 way.
For instance
, an article from TIMES magazine declares that
practicing
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practising
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 painting or
a musical instruments
Correct the article-noun agreement
musical instruments
a musical instrument
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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human
Add an article
the human
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 brain in order to be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
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in
Change preposition
on
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 present moment and that means a big change in
this
 society.
Secondly
, children in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 learning process of an instrument can develop perseverance and patience with
themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
Moreover
, it is very important to build a strong confidence in a kid. Wh
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task achievement
You have a clear and relevant response to the task, which is great. However, ensure all parts of the prompt are fully and explicitly addressed. An example with clear articulation of why arts should be compulsory would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure each paragraph fully develops a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Remember to include a conclusion that summarizes your points.
task achievement
It's great that you've understood the importance of addressing how arts impact young generations and have provided some relevant points about creativity and perseverance.
coherence cohesion
You have made efforts to use connectors and transitional phrases, which helps in making the text more coherent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • fine motor skills
  • hand-eye coordination
  • perseverance
  • patience
  • emotional expression
  • mental well-being
  • cultural awareness
  • holistic approach
  • academic subjects
  • creative subjects
  • problem-solving
  • critical thinking
  • exposure
  • art history
  • high schools
  • compulsory
  • development
  • learning process
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