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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#employees #factories #england #wales #information #features #comparisons
The table shows how many
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 and
factories
 were established in England and Wales
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1851 until 1901.
Overall
, the total
employees
Correct quantifier usage
number of employees
show examples
 decreased significantly.
In contrast
, the number of
factories
 showed oppositely where it had risen
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 3 times in 1901 compared to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 50 years. On the one hand, the total employees in England and Wales were almost 500 thousand people in 1851 which was mostly dominated
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with around 290 thousand employees.
However
, it decreased dramatically until reached the bottom in
early
Change the article
the early
show examples
 1900s with merely 60 thousand people and had almost the same proportion between males and females.
On the other hand
, despite the number of
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 down, the number of
factories
 rose dramatically from not more than 230
factories
 in 1851 until it reached
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 3 times in 1881 with more than 720
factories
.
However
, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased by around 120
factories
 in the next 20 years and reached 600
factories
.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words factories with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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