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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world for residential, recultural and industrial purposes.

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world for residential, recultural and industrial purposes.
#water #usage #san #diego #california #rest #world #purposes
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The
water
Use synonyms
 consumption categories of
San
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 Diego,
California
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 and
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 world are depicted and compared in the given pie chart. At first glance, the
usage
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 of
water
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 falling into residential type is dominant in both cities,
while
Linking Words
 worldwide, agriculture section holds majority among other two sections. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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residential
water
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 utilization,
San
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 Diego’s
usage
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 is greater than
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 two statistics, encompassing 60% of the chart.
Similiarly
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Similarly
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
usage
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 is prevalent in
California
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 as well, with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 indication of 39%. In comparison, the statistics of the multitude of countries
deviates
Correct subject-verb agreement
deviate
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 largely from these towns: only 8% of the
water
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 was allocated to
this
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 category.
Agriculture
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The agriculture
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 sector has shown
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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paradoxical results similar to the previous trend, with
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
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 world’s
usage
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 of
water
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 covering 69%,
while
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 the same type of
usage
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 is
on
Change preposition
in
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the
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apply
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third place within both
San
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 Diego
nd
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and
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California
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, 17% and 28% respectively.
Additinally
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Additionally
,
water
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 utilization for
industry
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the industry
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 did not differ significantly throughout
charts
Correct article usage
the charts
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 worldwide statistics coincided with
San
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 Diego’s indications (23%), the
water
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 used for it slightly increased in
California
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, with 28%.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, san, california, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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