In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in their families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own.
In today's world where it seems hard to make
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
ends meet because of inflation. Some people say that Correct article usage
apply
both
parents
should go out to earn in order to make their kids
' life
better Fix the agreement mistake
lives
whereas
others think that one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
one
of the guardians should stay at home to look after their minors. The following paragraphs will look onto
Change preposition
at
both
the
aspects of the statement.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, one
of the major advantage
of having working Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
parents
is better
lifestyle for their young ones. AsAdd an article
a better
,
Remove the comma
apply
both
father and mother are working which means extra income is coming home resulting in fulfilling the little one
's demand. For many years inflation has been rising continuously and at present it seems to be at its peak which is making it very hard to manage finance. So, if both
the parents
are earning it would benefit their offsprings
as they can Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
their
all sorts of demands ranging from clothes to electronic gadgets etc. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For instance
, a survey has shown that kids
in developed countries such
as America and Canada seems
to have better Change the verb form
seem
lifestyle
as compared to the Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
kids
living in Asian countries where only father
is the earning member Correct article usage
the father
in
the family.
Change preposition
of
However
, there are some consequences of having both
parents
going
out to work. The most prominent Wrong verb form
go
one
being
the ignorance Wrong verb form
is
which
Correct word choice
that
kid
might start feeling if Correct article usage
a kid
both
his parents
are busy in
their work schedules. Change preposition
with
Due to
their jobs, sometimes parents
are not able to make it to their little one
's school events such
as games day, dance performances etc. which breaks their little hearts. Moreover
, there is a high probability of kids
losing their emotional connect
with their guardians as they might feel like they have no support from their Replace the word
connection
parents
. For example
, mostly in developed nations
it is observed that teenagers move out of their parent's home once they reach eighteen and Add a comma
nations,
this
practice is not common in Asian countries. The most probable reason behind this
practice is the loss of emotional connection which makes it easier for kids
to move out of their childhood homes.
To conclude
, it is very hard to manage expenses, especially with all the prices going high, but parents
should understand the importance of their presence in their minor's life which can in no way be compensated by money.Submitted by kaur75971 on
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coherence
Your essay is well structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed.
task achievement
Some points made are strong but could use more specific examples or further elaboration to solidify your arguments.
coherence
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coherence
There are occasional grammatical and punctuation errors. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
The main points are generally supported with relevant examples, enhancing the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical flow of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion.
Your opinion
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