IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in their families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own.

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In today's world where it seems hard to make
Use synonyms
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ends meet because of inflation. Some people say that
both
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parents
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 should go out to earn in order to make their
kids
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'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 better
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one
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 of the guardians should stay at home to look after their minors. The following paragraphs will look
onto
Change preposition
at
show examples
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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aspects of the statement.
To begin
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 with,
one
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 of the major
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of having working
parents
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 is
better
Add an article
a better
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 lifestyle for their young ones. As
,
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apply
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both
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 father and mother are working which means extra income is coming home resulting in fulfilling the little
one
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's demand. For many years inflation has been rising continuously and at present it seems to be at its peak which is making it very hard to manage finance. So, if
both
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 the
parents
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 are earning it would benefit their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 as they can
fulfill
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fulfil
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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all sorts of demands ranging from clothes to electronic gadgets etc.
For instance
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, a survey has shown that
kids
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 in developed countries
such
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 as America and Canada
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to have better
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 as compared to the
kids
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 living in Asian countries where only
father
Correct article usage
the father
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 is the earning member
in
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of
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 the family.
However
Linking Words
, there are some consequences of having
both
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parents
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going
Wrong verb form
go
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 out to work. The most prominent
one
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being
Wrong verb form
is
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 the ignorance
which
Correct word choice
that
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kid
Correct article usage
a kid
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 might start feeling if
both
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 his
parents
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 are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their work schedules.
Due to
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 their jobs, sometimes
parents
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 are not able to make it to their little
one
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's school events
such
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 as games day, dance performances etc. which breaks their little hearts.
Moreover
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, there is a high probability of
kids
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 losing their emotional
connect
Replace the word
connection
show examples
 with their guardians as they might feel like they have no support from their
parents
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.
For example
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, mostly in developed
nations
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nations,
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 it is observed that teenagers move out of their parent's home once they reach eighteen and
this
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 practice is not common in Asian countries. The most probable reason behind
this
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 practice is the loss of emotional connection which makes it easier for
kids
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 to move out of their childhood homes.
To conclude
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, it is very hard to manage expenses, especially with all the prices going high, but
parents
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 should understand the importance of their presence in their minor's life which can in no way be compensated by money.

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coherence
Your essay is well structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed.
task achievement
Some points made are strong but could use more specific examples or further elaboration to solidify your arguments.
coherence
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to further improve the quality of your essay.
coherence
There are occasional grammatical and punctuation errors. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
The main points are generally supported with relevant examples, enhancing the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical flow of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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