The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. Summariseinformation by selecting and reporting the main features, andamake comparisons where relevant.

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The bar depicts the

obesity

percentages by ethnicity among teenagers of both genders aged from 12–19, in the US, in the

year

Fix the agreement mistake

years

show examples

2004 and 2014.

Overall

, in 2004 and 2014

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obesity

was highest in

non-Hispanic

Black and lowest in

non-Hispanic

White.

To begin

, the percentage of

obesity

was at

peak

Correct pronoun usage

its peak

show examples

(29%) in 2014 in

non-Hispanic

Black boys and girls,

whereas

the

least

Correct word choice

lowest

show examples

number of

adolescents

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescent

show examples

having

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

obesity

in the

year

2014 was

non-Hispanic

White (14%).

Moreover

, the Hispanic ones are having moderate

obesity

(17%) in 2014.

Similarly

, the major

youngsters

Correct quantifier usage

number of youngsters

show examples

suffering from

this

medical condition were

non-Hispanic

Black (6%) in 2004, which was the most significant percentage recorded

this

year

However

, the minor ones were

non-Hispanic

White (9%), which was the only percentile under 10%.

Furthermore

, 12% of the teenagers were Hispanic

who

Correct word choice

and

show examples

are having

Wrong verb form

were obese

show examples

obesity

in the

year

2004.

Submitted by sajeehulzamans on Thu Sep 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words obesity, year, non-hispanic with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

141 words

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The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. Summariseinformation by selecting and reporting the main features, andamake comparisons where relevant.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.