IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
Some people argue that individuals who search for work and take their funds from policy should do some work for the
community
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement for psychological factors and governmental benefits. People need enrollment in
such
 workplaces for several psychological aspects that may impact them.
While
 sitting at house considered a very bad habit especially if it's for a long period of time, It makes the person feel unvalued and have nothing to do.
For instance
, Saudi Arabia news reported that there is a linkage between depression and psychological issues and sitting at home.
Furthermore
, suppose individuals become a part of the
community
 and start doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taskes
Correct your spelling
tasks
task
 that they are responsible for. In that case, it would boost their confidence in themselves and feel a sense of achievement.
For example
, some medical resources proved that human minds relate any task achievement to happiness.
While
 the above points state a good argument, there is
also
 governmental benefit of voluntaries.
Although
 there will be fewer employees because of the volunteer number, the policy will detect qualified individuals and give them jobs
Correct pronoun usage
that matches
show examples
matches
Correct subject-verb agreement
match
show examples
 their abilities.
As lots
Correct word choice
Lots
show examples
 of people become employed because they were voluntaries first. An important point that will attract other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 attention is not relying on foreign workers, which will strengthen the
community
 boundaries In conclusion, it's crucially important that the volunteers have a stamp in their
community
 for psychological aspects and governmental benefits that make the population relate to each other and feel significant.
Submitted by noura239502 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clarify the main idea being discussed. This can help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. For example, 'While sitting at house considered...' should be 'Sitting at home is considered...'.
task achievement
Expand on your main points more thoroughly, providing additional relevant and specific examples to illustrate each argument clearly.
task achievement
Ensure that all your examples are clearly tied to your main argument. This will help in presenting clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
You attempted to address both psychological and governmental perspectives, which enhances the completeness of your response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Long-term job seekers
  • Government benefits
  • Voluntary work
  • Community service
  • Employability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Mental health
  • Stigma
  • Unemployed
  • Public funds
  • Positively impact
  • Community
  • Exploit
  • Vulnerable individuals
  • Devalue
  • Volunteerism
  • Informal contributions
  • Skill-matching
  • Beneficial and fulfilling
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