IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A large number of young people cannot find a job when they leave university. What problems will youth unemployment cause for individuals and for society? What measures should take to help reduce unemployment?

#people #job #university #youth #unemployment #individuals #society #measures
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There is no doubt that a majority of young citizens once they
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
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 from universities have difficulties finding
jobs
 which
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
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 many consequences in two different levels on community and individual
.
Correct your spelling
This
this
 essay is going to discuss both causes and the tackle for
this
 phenomenon. unemployment rates increase can cause
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of issues to start with
society
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societal
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 level there will be huge pressure on nations's governments to find solutions for
this
 problem by funding money for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people until they can find
jobs
 to prevent young unemployed workers
to steal
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from stealing
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 or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 any kind other crimes to support their selves .
Also
 ,
high
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a high
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 percentage of unemployed workers can lead to unsatisfied and
depressment
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depression
depressed
 on the individual level for
workeing
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working
 and studying very hard to graduate and in the end they cannot find suitable
jobs
 to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their achievement.
For example
,
South
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in South
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America
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American
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 countries these countries are wealthy
therefore
 most of them are too
dangrouse
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dangerous
 to live there because of the spread of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal activities
due to
 high numbers of unoccupied citizens .
Athurites
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Authorities
 should be aware of
this
 issue and come back with solutions by attracting foreign companies to open their markets inside their cities which will help to increase the opportunity for young people to find suitable
jobs
 .
Nevertheless
, it going to
rise
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raise
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Correct article usage
the nation
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nation
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nation's
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 economy
besides
that
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apply
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encouraging people to invest more money
stocks
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in stocks
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 or
othe
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other
kind
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kinds
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 of
investment
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investments
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 to build their future wealth. To summarise, countries should be awarded of unemployment problems and try their best to avoid it
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 it can cause serious economic and financial issues.
Submitted by may.al.zemami on

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task response
Your response effectively addresses both aspects of the question, but ensure that you maintain a balanced discussion on the causes and solutions. Providing more well-rounded examples will enhance your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with sentence structure and grammatical errors. Consider reviewing commonly confused words (e.g., 'unsatisfied' vs. 'dissatisfied', 'dangrouse' vs. 'dangerous') and sentence fragments to increase clarity and readability.
structure
You've structured your essay with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a coherent flow of ideas.
task response
You've identified the major impacts of youth unemployment on both society and individuals, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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