Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
We can
See
that Fix capitalization
see
in
these days Change preposition
apply
become
more attention Verb problem
they pay
on
their Change preposition
to
health
and their diets. However
Some Add a comma
However,
persons
think that Replace the word
people
the
individuals Correct article usage
apply
responsibile
Correct your spelling
responsible
responsibility
of
their own Change preposition
for
health
and diet
. others believe that governments must take Care
and sure that their Citizens
have healthy diet
.
Of Course every Fix the agreement mistake
diets
Person
responsible
Add a missing verb
is responsible
of
Change preposition
for
own
body. They
must Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
scaduale
for their daily food, and must avoid eating fast food because it will Correct your spelling
schedule
effect
their Correct your spelling
affect
health
Care
. However
, they responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
Care
of their Own health
by doing diffrent
Kinds of sports every day and they should be Correct your spelling
different
foucse
Correct your spelling
focused
of
what they eat exactly. In Change preposition
on
Fact
the sport will be useful for their body from Add a comma
Fact,
alot
of illnesses, and they will become Correct your spelling
a lot
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
person
.Also
people become more effective and active to to work and do their Add a comma
Also,
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
harelly
.
On Correct your spelling
rarely
carefully
other
hand , it Correct article usage
the other
very
significant that the Add a missing verb
is very
goverment
Should Correct your spelling
government
the
take Correct article usage
apply
care
of citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
health
Replace the word
healthy
diet
. Fix the agreement mistake
diets
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
health
ministry must put strict rules for citizens
so they must visit the hospital and do their monthly checking.In
addition
the Add a comma
addition,
goveroment
Correct your spelling
government
have
to reduce the number of Correct subject-verb agreement
has
fast food
restaurants in the Country , So will Add a hyphen
fast-food
be
benefit Unnecessary verb
apply
for
the Change preposition
apply
Citizens
.The goverment
should Correct your spelling
government
Provids
free Correct your spelling
provide
gym
For unhealthy Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
persons
to Replace the word
people
encourge
them to be Correct your spelling
encourage
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
person
. Fix the agreement mistake
people
For
example
they can do some Add a comma
example,
compatition
for Correct your spelling
competition
specific
weight if they reach Correct article usage
a specific
to
it they will Change preposition
apply
won
.
Change the verb form
win
To sum up
, both are main
important factors the individuals Correct article usage
the main
responsibile
Correct your spelling
responsible
responsibility
of
their own Change preposition
for
health
and diet
. or the governments must take Care
and sure that their Citizens
have healthy
Add an article
a healthy
diet
. Mostly essental
that every Correct your spelling
essential
person
should be attention
Replace the word
attentive
on
the way of Change preposition
to
health
care
.Submitted by bushra.2001.mb on
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grammar spelling
There are quite a few grammatical and spelling errors. For example, 'become' should be 'has become,' 'scaduale' should be 'schedule,' 'effect' should be 'affect,' and 'harelly' seems to be an error for 'hardly.'
coherence cohesion
Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay. Transition words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Moreover' can help guide the reader.
task response
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and support it. For example, in the first body paragraph, you should focus more on why individuals should be responsible for their health. Use specific examples or evidence to support your points.
task response
It’s great that you’ve covered both perspectives as required by the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is a good start.
task response
You’ve included some ideas about why people and the government should take responsibility for diet and health.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.