IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?

#film #stars #music #celebrities #money #surroundings #lives #price
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Film actors or musicians may gain a tremendous amount of money and great
exposures
Fix the agreement mistake
exposure
show examples
 in their career;
however
Linking Words
, there are great deals that need to pay which leads to their unhappy
lives
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because they must maintain their attitude in public with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of privacy. First of all, stars and
celebrities
Use synonyms
 will not have
much
Rephrase
as much
show examples
 privacy as much as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
people
Use synonyms
, because some
people
Use synonyms
 think
celebrities
Use synonyms
'
lives
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 part of their entertainment as well.
As a result
Linking Words
, all
people
Use synonyms
 through media will scrutinise their
lives
Use synonyms
 everywhere they go. It makes some of them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not comfortable
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being famous, particularly when they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places.
This
Linking Words
 case happens when the stars have a relationship or get a divorce,
people
Use synonyms
 are curious to find the truth without considering their feelings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
actrees
Correct your spelling
actress
actresses
 or musicians must maintain their perfect attitude publicly in order to avoid getting a cancel culture. A cancel culture means neglecting the artists
due to
Linking Words
 their bad behaviour or attitudes. The cancel culture is the one
that is
Linking Words
 really avoided by
celebrities
Use synonyms
 because it can affect their career dramatically resulting in losing their job.
For example
Linking Words
, when one of the influencers in Indonesia
suspects
Wrong verb form
was suspected
show examples
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 involved in sexual
harrashment
Correct your spelling
harassment
, all
people
Use synonyms
 judged him on social media, resulting in his career
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 suddenly
switched
Add a missing verb
being switched
show examples
 off
due to
Linking Words
 that case. In conclusion, behind their
glamours
Fix the agreement mistake
glamour
show examples
 and luxurious
lives
Use synonyms
,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 have huge consequences to deal with their
lives
Use synonyms
 because they do not have enough privacy and should maintain their attitude in public which makes some of them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
unhappy.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve task response, ensure that all points made are thoroughly analyzed and that each point directly relates back to the task question.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on improving the transitions between different points and ideas within the essay. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally to the next.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear perspective on the topic and supports it with relevant examples, showing a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear start and end to the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: