Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attuitudes and give your won opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
There is an ongoing debate regarding how experimenting should have the liberty to express their ideas without constraints. Some
people
want to do new things, whether food types or exploring new places. Use synonyms
While
Linking Words
,
some of them oppose it and prefer to do familiar things. the following paragraph sheds light on both perspectives which will lead to a logical conclusion.
on the one hand, Remove the comma
apply
people
are getting tired of doing the same task in their daily routine and there are myriads of reasons to do something new. Use synonyms
Firstly
, when a person follows the as-it-is pattern of lifestyle, it becomes a Linking Words
man
hectic and exotic increasing blood pressure and anxiety. Use synonyms
Besides
, something new makes a Linking Words
man
healthy and happy to visit a new area to experiment with the food and their variety. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, random changes can strengthen their minds, about how to tackle the situation and become more confident. Linking Words
For instance
, in 2023 Tim Horton opened their branch in Lahore Pakistan, and 150 Linking Words
people
stood to eat the croissant and drink coffee. Use synonyms
Therefore
, cheating with the old stuff sometimes makes a very useful to do something different.
Linking Words
on the other hand
, following the same routine makes a Linking Words
man
punctual and responsible, Use synonyms
that
never loses any customer. Correct pronoun usage
who
However
, the older generation hesitates to eat the food because sometimes it is contagious to their health like junk foods, or Linking Words
traveling
affects their body posture and aches in the backbone and muscle cramps. Change the spelling
travelling
for example
, the founder of Microsoft always follows the same eating habits and he is not able to try something different. Linking Words
Therefore
, keeping the same thing makes a Linking Words
man
stronger, and healthier, and improves personal skills.
Use synonyms
to sum up
, for the aforementioned aspects, both habits are good for different ages Linking Words
people
. there is a balance between approaches. Use synonyms
According to
me, both are good for different lifestyles Linking Words
Correct word choice
and community
community
and Fix the agreement mistake
communities
beneficial
for life.Add a missing verb
are beneficial
Submitted by alviusman18 on
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Your essay addresses the main points of the topic, presenting arguments for both trying new things and sticking to familiar routines. However, there are areas that need improvement for a higher score.
1. Task Response: Ensure that your examples are relevant and clearly support the points you're making. Mention more specific experiences or data. Also, ensure that you directly address the prompt's requirement to
advice
clearly state your own opinion" in the conclusion by making it more explicit.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Organize your essay better by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea. Improve the logical structure by using linking phrases effectively to connect ideas smoothly. For example, "On the one hand" could be followed by "On the other hand" to clearly juxtapose ideas.
3. Grammar and Language: Make sure to capitalize the first letter of sentences and proper nouns (e.g., "On" instead of "on", "Microsoft" instead of "microsoft"). Also, check for sentence structure and punctuation errors to improve clarity.
positive
You have effectively addressed both perspectives on the topic, covering the main angles of the discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?