Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attuitudes and give your won opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
There is an ongoing debate regarding how experimenting should have the liberty to express their ideas without constraints. Some
people
want to do new things, whether food types or exploring new places. While
,
some of them oppose it and prefer to do familiar things. the following paragraph sheds light on both perspectives which will lead to a logical conclusion.
on the one hand, Remove the comma
apply
people
are getting tired of doing the same task in their daily routine and there are myriads of reasons to do something new. Firstly
, when a person follows the as-it-is pattern of lifestyle, it becomes a man
hectic and exotic increasing blood pressure and anxiety. Besides
, something new makes a man
healthy and happy to visit a new area to experiment with the food and their variety. Furthermore
, random changes can strengthen their minds, about how to tackle the situation and become more confident. For instance
, in 2023 Tim Horton opened their branch in Lahore Pakistan, and 150 people
stood to eat the croissant and drink coffee. Therefore
, cheating with the old stuff sometimes makes a very useful to do something different.
on the other hand
, following the same routine makes a man
punctual and responsible, that
never loses any customer. Correct pronoun usage
who
However
, the older generation hesitates to eat the food because sometimes it is contagious to their health like junk foods, or traveling
affects their body posture and aches in the backbone and muscle cramps. Change the spelling
travelling
for example
, the founder of Microsoft always follows the same eating habits and he is not able to try something different. Therefore
, keeping the same thing makes a man
stronger, and healthier, and improves personal skills.
to sum up
, for the aforementioned aspects, both habits are good for different ages people
. there is a balance between approaches. According to
me, both are good for different lifestyles Correct word choice
and community
community
and Fix the agreement mistake
communities
beneficial
for life.Add a missing verb
are beneficial
Submitted by alviusman18 on
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Your essay addresses the main points of the topic, presenting arguments for both trying new things and sticking to familiar routines. However, there are areas that need improvement for a higher score.
1. Task Response: Ensure that your examples are relevant and clearly support the points you're making. Mention more specific experiences or data. Also, ensure that you directly address the prompt's requirement to
advice
clearly state your own opinion" in the conclusion by making it more explicit.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Organize your essay better by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea. Improve the logical structure by using linking phrases effectively to connect ideas smoothly. For example, "On the one hand" could be followed by "On the other hand" to clearly juxtapose ideas.
3. Grammar and Language: Make sure to capitalize the first letter of sentences and proper nouns (e.g., "On" instead of "on", "Microsoft" instead of "microsoft"). Also, check for sentence structure and punctuation errors to improve clarity.
positive
You have effectively addressed both perspectives on the topic, covering the main angles of the discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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