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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal? You should write at least 250 words

#people #country #materials #goods #production
According to
 some individuals, every
country
 should aim at producing more
materials
 and
goods
. I completely disagree with
this
 viewpoint because a
country
 should not focus on
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of
goods
 aimlessly, without deciding whether
these
Change the determiner
this production
these productions
show examples
production
 could be useful or not. A
country
 should only produce
materials
according to
 some limits and goals. If a
country
 produces
goods
 without any appropriate limit or goal, it might lead to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unnecessary
production
, and it will not be
cost
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Replace the word
worth
show examples
worthy
Correct pronoun usage
worthy it
show examples
.
For example
, the UK, in 2019, produced a significant
amount
 of wheat without any proper calculation about whether the population
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
amount
, or whether they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 export it. Ultimately, the
country
 could not even export it to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign countries.
Therefore
,
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large
amount
 of wheat got rotten and they could not make up the
prduction
Correct your spelling
production
 costs.
Moreover
, without producing large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of unnecessary
goods
, the government of a
country
 should plan carefully in which areas it will invest its money. A
country
 can utilize the
production
 costs of
materials
 and
goods
 in some other sectors.
For example
, Canada has a proper annual budget
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2023, which portrays
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how much money it will invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of
goods
, and how much money it will utilize in the improvement of infrastructures.
To conclude
,
goods
 and
materials
 should be produced
according to
a proper goals
Correct the article-noun agreement
proper goals
a proper goal
show examples
 because it saves a
country
 from misuse of its budget. A
country
's other sectors will be
negelected
Correct your spelling
neglected
, if a
country
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 things aimlessly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the annual budget cannot be distributed properly.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Expand the introduction to better outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This provides clarity and sets the stage for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected. This will enhance the logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task response
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve readability.
task response
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task response
The arguments presented are relevant to the topic and provide a clear stance on the issue.
task response
The use of examples, while needing more specificity, is a good strategy to illustrate points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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