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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates where
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are held, and the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 supplements it by depicting the information about the number of members of the three types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 divided by age group. Looking at the pie
chart
Use synonyms
first,
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 almost half of the
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are conducted in private studios (48%). 24% of the remaining is convenient for
students
Use synonyms
 in schools to participate in
dance
Use synonyms
classes
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 after lessons
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since their location is school hall. A little lower index is shown by the category called “Community halls and other”, maintaining 18%,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 10% of the
dance
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classes
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 are held in college-based studios. The bar
chart
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 gives more detailed information about the number of
students
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 participating in the
dance
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classes
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. Surprisingly, the vast majority of the kids under 11 prefer
ballet
Use synonyms
, which can be observed from the graph showing that 600
students
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 do
ballet
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,
while
Linking Words
 the least of them take modern
dance
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classes
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 (300).
In contrast
Linking Words
, members between the ages 11 and 16, mostly choose modern
dance
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 over
a
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apply
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ballet
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 and tap, maintaining approximately 520
students
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.
While
Linking Words
ballet
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 and modern
dance
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 have a big difference in comparing 2 age groups, tap does not. 420 11-16 years old
students
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 and 450 under
11 year
Add a hyphen
11-year
show examples
students
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 take tap
classes
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, dance, classes, students, ballet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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