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Band 3

The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 8 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes (in percentages).

#tourist #arrivals #millions #countries #changes #percentages
The table compares
numbers
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
 of foreign
visitors
 among the eight most popular countries during 2009 and 2010 and how it changed during one
year
.
Overall
, most countries experienced
growth
 in numbers of newcomers with Germany having the biggest increment and Hong Kong going through a decline. Germany
as
Change preposition
apply
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the country which had an outstanding increase during 1
year
 period, had 11 million
visitors
 in 2009 and 23
millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2010 with a 109 per cent increase. China and Turkey had 22 and 33
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 respectively ended up with an increase of 55 and 33 percent. Italy, the UK, Spain and the USA had better numbers of
visitors
 during 2009 at around 50 and 60
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 each
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but had average
growth
 in popularity among foreigners during the upcoming
year
 with an
incline
Change the verb form
inclined
show examples
growth
 of less than 5 per cent each. France hitting the highest rate in 2009 and 2010 with 76
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
visitors
 each
year
 had a neutral
growth
 trend. Hong Kong visited by 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2009 had a negative
growth
 of 11 per cent resulting in 9 million
visitors
.
Submitted by teymur.valikhan80 on

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grammar
Ensure to check grammatical accuracy and consistency. Minor grammatical errors can impact clarity.
structure
Try to make comparisons more explicitly and clearly between the different countries. This can improve the logical structure further.
introduction
Your introduction is well-written, providing a clear overview of the table's content.
examples
You have effectively summarized the key trends and provided specific examples from the data.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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