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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of British male and female advanced education and the preferences of the
students
Use synonyms
 in the decision between
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
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 and part-time, in three precise moments of the
last
Linking Words
 century: 1970/71, 1980/81, 1990/91.  At a glance, one can notice that the
number
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 of male
students
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had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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remained almost stable, with slight changes in the trend, going from 1 million in 1970/71
,
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apply
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 to 850 thousand in 1980/81, to 900 thousand in 1990/91.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of female
students
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 gradually increased over time. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be clearly seen from the chart, in the comparison between
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
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 and part-time, there is a constant increase in the quantity of
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
students
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, part-time always appeared to be
students
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’ favourite option. Taking a closer look at each individual analysed moment, in 1970/71 the
number
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 of male
students
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 was extremely higher than female
students
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.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend levelled out in 1980/81 the two quantities almost equalised.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of female
students
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 significantly surpassed the
number
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 of male
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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