IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You are soon going to spend three months doing work experience in an organization. Write a letter to the manager of the organization where you are going to work experience. In your letter, -thank the manager for the opportunity to do work experience -explain what you hope to learn from the work experience -ask some questions about the work experience you are ging to do Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

#three #months #work #organization #manager #-thank #opportunity #-explain #hope #-ask #questions #sir #madam
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Dear Sir or Madam, Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity
for
Change preposition
to
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 work experience at your hospital. I am really excited to see how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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patient care is provided at
such
 a popular hospital. I have been working as a registered nurse for 10 years in a general medical ward.
However
, I have no experience in the ICU setting.
Therefore
, I am looking forward to learning critical knowledge and skills in an acute surgical setting,
as well as
 nursing care during the given three months. Before I commence the program, I have 2 questions to ask you. In terms of clothing, I would appreciate it if you could tell me what I should wear. I have a couple of sets of uniforms but they are from my current hospital.
Lastly
, it would be great if you could tell me what areas of study I should do as preparation. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Hiromi Okumura
Submitted by hiromi.1828.o on

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task achievement
Try to expand a bit more on what specific skills or areas you hope to learn about in the ICU to provide a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
Consider splitting the paragraph containing the questions into two separate paragraphs to improve readability and ensure each idea is presented clearly.
coherence cohesion
The letter is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The tone is polite and professional, suitable for a letter to a manager.
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