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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #bricks #industry #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram below shows the process of manufacturing which starts from
diggering
Correct your spelling
digging
 a
clay
Use synonyms
 and
finish
Correct subject-verb agreement
finishes
show examples
 with delivering the goods. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 digging
a
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
clay
Use synonyms
 for
bricks
Use synonyms
 with an excavator.
Then
Linking Words
collected
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clay
Use synonyms
purified
Add a missing verb
was purified
show examples
 from different pebbles and garbage by a
metall
Correct your spelling
metal
 grid to take
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
bricks
Use synonyms
. As soon as
clay
Use synonyms
 is cleaned, it is
moving
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 to the next step by a roller.
Linking Words
Subsequently
Add a comma
Subsequently,
show examples
clay
Use synonyms
 is being formed by a wire cutter
otherwise
Linking Words
 with a special mould. Before the
bricks
Use synonyms
 are sent to the kiln, they are dried in the drying oven for 1-2 days. Once it is sent to
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 furnace which is heating up from 200 to 980
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
, it is
moving
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 to the second oven to heat from 870 to 1300 degrees. After the
kiln
Add a comma
kiln,
show examples
 they keep in
cooling
Correct article usage
a cooling
show examples
 chamber for 48-72 hours.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
bricks
Use synonyms
 are ready for use, they are
packaging
Wrong verb form
packaged
show examples
 and
uploading
Wrong verb form
uploaded
show examples
 to trucks to deliver to customers.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words clay, bricks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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