In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

#people #hobby #trend

In earlier times, shopping was viewed as

necessary

Correct article usage

a necessary

show examples

domestic responsibility, but today, many

people

consider it a leisure activity. I believe

this

has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, shopping as a

hobby

can be an enjoyable social activity, but

on the other hand

, it may lead to unhealthy consumer habits.

Firstly

, shopping

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

become more than just purchasing essentials. It is now a way for

people

to relax. Many individuals enjoy going to shopping

centrs

Correct your spelling

centres

not only to buy things, but

also

to spend time with friends or family.

In addition

, retail environments have evolved, offering options like cafes, cinemas, and events.

This

has made shopping more of an experience rather than just a task.

As a result

, it can positively contribute to mental well-being by providing a fun and engaging break from daily routines.

However

, despite its social benefits, shopping as a

hobby

can lead to negative consequences,

such

as overspending. With easy access to online shopping and marketing strategies,

people

can develop a habit of buying

item

Fix the agreement mistake

items

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. they do not need.

This

not only

create

Change the verb form

creates

show examples

financial stress but

also

contributes to materialism and waste.

Furthermore

overconsume

Wrong verb form

overconsuming

show examples

negatively impacts the environment by increasing demand for products and resources, leading to more pollution and waste production. In conclusion,

while

shopping has transitioned from

simple

Correct article usage

a simple

show examples

household task to a

hobby

for many

people

this

trend has both positive and negative implications. On the positive side, it

offer

Change the verb form

offers

show examples

asocial and enjoyable

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

that can improve

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

. On the negative side, it can promote overspending and environmental harm.

Therefore

while

shopping as a

hobby

can be beneficial in moderation, it is important to remain mindful of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

potential drawbacks.

Submitted by Kawasaki on Sun Sep 08 2024

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grammar

Work on improving sentence structures and grammar. There are several grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'shopping has become,' 'many individuals enjoy,' 'item that. they do not need') that need to be corrected for a higher score.

example analysis

Although the essay introduces the main points well, it needs more specific examples and deeper analysis to enhance the arguments. For instance, providing concrete examples of overspending or specific ways it harms the environment can strengthen your argument.

conclusion improvement

The essay's conclusion summarizes the main points, but could be stronger by tying back the implications to the thesis more explicitly. This would make for a more cohesive argument.

balance of arguments

The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as a hobby, showing a balanced view.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.

relevant themes

The essay touches on relevant themes like mental well-being, consumer behavior, and environmental impact, which are pertinent to the topic.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

consumerism
retail therapy
materialism
disposable income
economic growth
financial instability
environmental impact
social interaction
community building
emotional satisfaction
advertising influence
shopping habits

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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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