IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

#people #hobby #trend
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In earlier times, shopping was viewed as
necessary
Correct article usage
a necessary
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 domestic responsibility, but today, many
people
Use synonyms
 consider it a leisure activity. I believe
this
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 has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, shopping as a
hobby
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 can be an enjoyable social activity, but
on the other hand
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, it may lead to unhealthy consumer habits.
Firstly
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, shopping
have
Change the verb form
has
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 become more than just purchasing essentials. It is now a way for
people
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 to relax. Many individuals enjoy going to shopping
centrs
Correct your spelling
centres
 not only to buy things, but
also
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 to spend time with friends or family.
In addition
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, retail environments have evolved, offering options like cafes, cinemas, and events.
This
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 has made shopping more of an experience rather than just a task.
As a result
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, it can positively contribute to mental well-being by providing a fun and engaging break from daily routines.
However
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, despite its social benefits, shopping as a
hobby
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 can lead to negative consequences,
such
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 as overspending. With easy access to online shopping and marketing strategies,
people
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 can develop a habit of buying
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. they do not need.
This
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 not only
create
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creates
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 financial stress but
also
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 contributes to materialism and waste.
Furthermore
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,
overconsume
Wrong verb form
overconsuming
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 negatively impacts the environment by increasing demand for products and resources, leading to more pollution and waste production. In conclusion,
while
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 shopping has transitioned from
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
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 household task to a
hobby
Use synonyms
 for many
people
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend has both positive and negative implications. On the positive side, it
offer
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offers
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 asocial and enjoyable
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 that can improve
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. On the negative side, it can promote overspending and environmental harm.
Therefore
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,
while
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 shopping as a
hobby
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial in moderation, it is important to remain mindful of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 potential drawbacks.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structures and grammar. There are several grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'shopping has become,' 'many individuals enjoy,' 'item that. they do not need') that need to be corrected for a higher score.
example analysis
Although the essay introduces the main points well, it needs more specific examples and deeper analysis to enhance the arguments. For instance, providing concrete examples of overspending or specific ways it harms the environment can strengthen your argument.
conclusion improvement
The essay's conclusion summarizes the main points, but could be stronger by tying back the implications to the thesis more explicitly. This would make for a more cohesive argument.
balance of arguments
The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as a hobby, showing a balanced view.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
relevant themes
The essay touches on relevant themes like mental well-being, consumer behavior, and environmental impact, which are pertinent to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • retail therapy
  • materialism
  • disposable income
  • economic growth
  • financial instability
  • environmental impact
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • emotional satisfaction
  • advertising influence
  • shopping habits
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