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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
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The given bar charts depict the average usage of products in the
world
Use synonyms
 in 2008 with
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
the comparison
show examples
 between
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
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. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
processed
food
Use synonyms
 was the most favourite type of
food
Use synonyms
 for the whole
world
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 for
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 consumption of nuts was not popular in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 and in
India
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
China
Use synonyms
 it was standing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place. It is clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40% of the global population’s menu
consisted
Wrong verb form
consists
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
processed
food
Use synonyms
, which is almost the same trend for
India
Use synonyms
 39% and slightly less for
China
Use synonyms
 34%. The second group of goods with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 consumption rate in the
World
Use synonyms
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Vegetables and fruits with indices almost the third (29%), Chinese citizens consumed
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 more
30
Change preposition
than 30
show examples
%, though
India
Use synonyms
 had just 23% respectively. The category of meals referred to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
food
Use synonyms
, globally and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
India
Use synonyms
 equalled
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just above the quarter,
while
Linking Words
 for
China
Use synonyms
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached 15%. It is worth
to mention
Change the verb form
mentioning
show examples
 that in spite
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
world
Use synonyms
 consumption of nuts and seeds
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 just a small proportion of 4%, Chinese people consumed precisely 19% and
Use synonyms
India
Change preposition
in India
show examples
 8% less than
China
Use synonyms
 (11%).

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words world, china, india, food with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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