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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two bar charts below show the propotion of 14 to 16-year old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country and the top 3 foreign languages . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.

The two bar charts below show the propotion of 14 to 16-year old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country and the top 3 foreign languages . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the information that students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
between
Add a missing verb
are between
show examples
 14 to 16 learn three foreign linguistics
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
French, German, and Spanish
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad where
speaking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
English as their mother
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 chart describes both genders' proportion of study in 1984 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 girls had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more passion
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
show examples
 other
languages
Use synonyms
 than boys and French was the most preferable language
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Spanish. In detail, in 1984, girls
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest proportion of learning foreign
languages
Use synonyms
, which is around 59% but it was reduced by 40% in 2007. Boys'
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 learning 30 per cent of other
languages
Use synonyms
 in 1984 and there was a slight
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 in 2007, at around 26%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, French was the most favourite
Use synonyms
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
 among students, which is a half surprisingly it
was shrink
Wrong verb form
shrunk
show examples
 significantly by a quarter in 2007. German was the second-favourite language, at a fifth in 1984 and it was reduced by one in ten in 2007. In 1984, Spanish had just 5% ,
in contrast
Linking Words
, there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10% in 2007.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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