IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

task 1: the graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

task 1: the graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#contribution #three #sectors- #agriculture #business #services- #uk #economy #century #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph provides information about how agriculture, manufacturing
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
business and financial services sectors contributed to the UK
economy
 in the twentieth century.
Overall
, it can be seen from the diagram that,
agriculture
Change noun form
agriculture's
show examples
 contribution has decreased significantly over the century,
whereas
, business and financial services
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become a larger part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the UK
economy
 over the given years. In 1990,
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
 section seemed to be
popular
Correct quantifier usage
more popular
show examples
 than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two where it reached
its'
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 peak in 1950 with a 50% contribution. But over the years it reduced
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 5% drastically. Even though the manufacturing sector had the same trend, the involvement it had
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
economy
 decreased
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a lower rate where
its'
Change noun form
its
show examples
 portion
cut
Add a missing verb
was cut
show examples
 down in half from 45% to 20% during the provided time period.
Conversely
, businesses had a different trend than the other two, where it had a very minimal involvement
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 stages of the 90s and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the later stages, it
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the leading contributor
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
overall
 UK
economy
 with a 30% engagement. So in conclusion, the diagram illustrates that the business and finance services took the lead in
economy
Add an article
an economy
the economy
show examples
 with a very high difference at the beginning of the new
millenium
Correct your spelling
millennium
.
Submitted by hashkweerasekara on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words economy with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribution
  • sector
  • economy
  • twentieth century
  • trend
  • decline
  • growth
  • period
  • significant rise
  • factors
  • relative performance
  • dominant
  • comparison
  • analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: