In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, people have consumed fast
food
rather than traditional food
. Personally, I completely agree that junk food
develops drawbacks to
people; there are two major reasons for support and Change preposition
for
it
will be illustrated in the following paragraph:
First and foremost, fast Correct pronoun usage
apply
food
is one of the main causes of people’s illnesses. The processed
Correct article usage
Processed
foods
are nutrient-poor and high in calories because the ingredients simply contain flour, sugar, and fat that
leads to health problems Correct pronoun usage
which
such
as obesity, high pressure, heart disease, and others. For instance
, the French fire has been outstandingly popular among childrens
but the processes and ingredients contain a lot of flour and trans fat. With the frequency that they take, it develops to gain weight–leading to the Correct your spelling
children
diseases’
problems.
Second, Junk Change noun form
diseases
food-favouring
eliminates the identity of the regions Correct your spelling
food favouring
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
lead
to Wrong verb form
leading
the
problems Correct article usage
apply
of
travel businesses. The destination of travellers that pursue new experiences and find the identity of each country in which local meals are the most significant to expressing the original personality. Change preposition
for
For example
, most travellers come into
Thailand to try Thai local Change preposition
to
foods
because we have varieties
of Fix the agreement mistake
a variety
food
flavours. If we lose the uniqueness of food
, tourists may lose interest. As a result
, travellers will explore the other places, it
will affect the local cuisines, hotels and other businesses–involving travel industries.
In conclusion , as I mentioned above, there are tremendous disadvantages if Correct pronoun usage
which
the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
foods
are substituted by processed foods
. Especially, to people's health and the signature of food
in each country. Therefore
, regional food
should be encouraged and preserved.Submitted by jeebjib14 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central idea and that ideas within paragraphs are well-organized. For instance, the first paragraph could be more concise and directly state the causes in a separate sentence or two.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will help to better convey your argument and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support the claims made in the essay. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant points that align well with the task statement, demonstrating a clear understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples to support the main points, which helps to illustrate the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite