IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
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In recent years, people have consumed fast
food
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 rather than traditional
food
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. Personally, I completely agree that junk
food
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 develops drawbacks
to
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for
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 people; there are two major reasons for support and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be illustrated in the following paragraph: First and foremost, fast
food
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 is one of the main causes of people’s illnesses.
The processed
Correct article usage
Processed
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foods
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 are nutrient-poor and high in calories because the ingredients simply contain flour, sugar, and fat
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to health problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, high pressure, heart disease, and others.
For instance
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, the French fire has been outstandingly popular among
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 but the processes and ingredients contain a lot of flour and trans fat. With the frequency that they take, it develops to gain weight–leading to the
diseases’
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diseases
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 problems. Second, Junk
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food-favouring
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food favouring
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 eliminates the identity of the regions
that
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apply
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to
the
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apply
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problems
of
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for
show examples
 travel businesses. The destination of travellers that pursue new experiences and find the identity of each country in which local meals are the most significant to expressing the original personality.
For example
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, most travellers come
into
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to
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 Thailand to try Thai local
foods
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 because we have
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
a variety
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 of
food
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 flavours. If we lose the uniqueness of
food
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, tourists may lose interest.
As a result
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, travellers will explore the other places,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will affect the local cuisines, hotels and other businesses–involving travel industries. In conclusion , as I mentioned above, there are tremendous disadvantages if
the
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apply
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traditional
foods
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 are substituted by processed
foods
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. Especially, to people's health and the signature of
food
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 in each country.
Therefore
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, regional
food
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 should be encouraged and preserved.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central idea and that ideas within paragraphs are well-organized. For instance, the first paragraph could be more concise and directly state the causes in a separate sentence or two.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will help to better convey your argument and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support the claims made in the essay. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant points that align well with the task statement, demonstrating a clear understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples to support the main points, which helps to illustrate the argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
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