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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows the main migration reasons to and from the United Kingdom in 2007.  Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the main migration reasons to and from the United Kingdom in 2007.  Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#migration #kingdom #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram represents the various factors that led people to move to
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom and out of it. four main factors have been included. At first glance, it can be seen that getting a
job
Use synonyms
 is the primary reason for individuals to emigrate and immigrate from
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, as one-third of the population migrates
due to
Linking Words
 finding a
job
Use synonyms
. figures of movement after getting a definite
job
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 almost the same in both scenarios.
However
Linking Words
, about twice as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 residents move away from
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in search
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 work as opposed to immigrating to
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 looking for a
job
Use synonyms
, which points
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the low numbers of work opportunities present in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. Another striking difference is
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ratio of people migrating to pursue formal study, standing at 26% for immigration as opposed to a mere 4% for emigration which reflects
Use synonyms
UK's
Correct article usage
the UK's
show examples
 high standards of education leading to many students immigrating for educational purposes.
Also
Linking Words
, a large chunk has not stated
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
 for
emmigration
Correct your spelling
immigration
emigration
 which can affect the findings and the resulting analysis.
overall
Linking Words
, it is visible that people travel
due to
Linking Words
 different factors.
Submitted by tahirascm11 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words job, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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