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Band 4.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people thimk that,in today worldsubjects and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #school #subjects #thimk #worldsubjects #technology
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Being
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a teenagers
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teenagers
Fix the agreement mistake
teenager
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 is a controversial issue today. It is
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 different progress and when you grow up it will come with a wide variety
changes
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of changes
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. Many people believe that it has some positive
effects
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 being
teenagers
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while
Linking Words
 many others think that it may have a few problems. In the first
place
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place,
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 the most important positive
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effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
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 of being
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
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 is
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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being brave when you have to decide in
the
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apply
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essential situations.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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teenagers
Use synonyms
area has
Wrong verb form
have
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 many important prefers
such
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 as
to choose
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choosing
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 which university
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will attend what kind of job
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 want or living
another
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in another
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 city that
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 have never lived
before
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in before
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. If you be brave you are going to do one's best.
Therefore
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 you will quickly improve yourself but sometimes you have to be careful because of
lack
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a lack
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of lack
Remove the redundancy
apply
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knowledge of
the
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apply
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life.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 social life is an additional positive
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effects
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effect
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 of being
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a teenagers
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teenagers
Fix the agreement mistake
teenager
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. If you are young you have full of energy that you need
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
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. You can hang out with your friends frequently and you can join a lot of activities.
Linking Words
Besides
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Besides,
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 in the younger times of your
life
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life,
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 you have
less
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fewer
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 responsibilities
thus
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 you have mostly free time
except
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except for
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 school and lessons.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 being
teenagers
Use synonyms
 has some negative
effects
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also
Linking Words
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 it is a little bit
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to keep up with your changing body day by day but you should in peace with your body whatever
will happened
Wrong verb form
happens
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.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 you might feel like
get
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getting
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 somewhere misunderstood and you may
live
Verb problem
have
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some
Change preposition
in some
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 conflict with your parents because of the fact that there is a gap between generations.
To sum up
Linking Words
 everything into account being
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a teenagers
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teenagers
Fix the agreement mistake
teenager
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 has both some negative and positive
effects
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 but it seems to me that
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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effects
Use synonyms
 outweigh
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 negative
effects
Use synonyms
 because
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the earlier time of our lives is better than getting older.
Submitted by yagmurryurttas on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to communicate ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the topic well and introduces both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects of being a teenager, showing a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • critical analysis
  • innovation
  • biased
  • contextualize
  • technological literacy
  • analytical skills
  • job market
  • synthesize
  • ethics
  • global challenges
  • historical narrative
  • cultural identity
  • linear progression
  • contemporaneous
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