IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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Certain
people
intend
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that having a set pension
age
 for everyone,
irrespectively
Rephrase
regardless
show examples
 of
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
,is unfair. They trust that some workers deserve to retire and
obtaine
Correct your spelling
obtain
obtained
 a pension at an earlier
age
.
This
 essay
is disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 as
people
 are able to earn more to avoid the
dependency
 on their
kids
 if they have sufficient cash flow and they can earn more and save more for
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
retirement
 life.
To begin
,If
people
 who have
flow
Add an article
a flow
the flow
show examples
 of cash, are able to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dependency
 on each other
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 on their
kids
 when they
reaching
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 elderly
age
. With the latest
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
 in the world,
people
 are capable
to work
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 more
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will enable
tem
Correct your spelling
them
 to earn more income,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 they
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 sixty years of
age
,
accordingly
 they have enough money to move forward with their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 expenses.It helps to reduce the
dependency
 on others
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 their
kids
.
For instance
,recent research concluded that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of North American elderly
people
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 without their child's support.
Further
,when elderly
people
 are employed,they are able to build sound
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
 balance for their future
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
in addition
 to the
retirement
 benefits that will function as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
safety stock for sudden future fund requirements,
accordingly
 they can face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
uncertinities
Correct your spelling
uncertainties
 without any
hazzel
Correct your spelling
hazel
hassle
 as they have deposit money.
For instance
,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
new
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
papaer
Correct your spelling
paper
 article concluded that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of Canadian retired
people
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 happily as they have sufficient
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
 stocks
in addition
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
 benefits.
To conclude
,
This
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
 disagreed that setting a
retirement
age
 in common is unfair as
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 pension
age
is assist
Wrong verb form
assists
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elderly
people
to avoid
Change preposition
in avoiding
show examples
dependency
 on their
kids
 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the happiness of
retirement
 life.
Submitted by aravindasajith on

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coherence and cohesion
Focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to increase coherence and ensure that each idea transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence and cohesion
Be sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This helps to frame your argument effectively and provides clarity to the reader.
task response
Develop the main points more fully by providing a greater variety of examples and more detailed arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
general
Pay attention to sentence structure and vocabulary to avoid errors and improve readability. Simple and correct use of language often has a larger impact than overly complex or inaccurate sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is clearly linked to the question to maintain relevance and clarity throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the response and guide the reader in understanding the main argument.
task achievement
The writer has made an effort to provide examples to support their points, which is a crucial component of a well-developed argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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