Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Certain
people
intend
that having a set pension Verb problem
believe
age
for everyone,irrespectively
of Rephrase
regardless
carrer
,is unfair. They trust that some workers deserve to retire and Correct your spelling
career
obtaine
a pension at an earlier Correct your spelling
obtain
obtained
age
.This
essay is disagree
with Change the verb form
disagrees
this
statment
as Correct your spelling
statement
people
are able to earn more to avoid the dependency
on their kids
if they have sufficient cash flow and they can earn more and save more for healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
retirement
life.
To begin
,If people
who have flow
of cash, are able to avoid Add an article
a flow
the flow
the
Correct article usage
apply
dependency
on each other specially
on their Replace the word
especially
kids
when they reaching
elderly Wrong verb form
reach
age
. With the latest development
in the world,Fix the agreement mistake
developments
people
are capable to work
more Change preposition
of working
that
will enable Correct pronoun usage
which
tem
to earn more income, Correct your spelling
them
eventhough
they Correct your spelling
even though
reached
sixty years of Wrong verb form
reach
age
,accordingly
they have enough money to move forward with their day to day
expenses.It helps to reduce the Add a hyphen
day-to-day
dependency
on others specially
their Replace the word
especially
kids
.For instance
,recent research concluded that majority
of North American elderly Correct article usage
the majority
people
living
without their child's support.
Wrong verb form
live
Further
,when elderly people
are employed,they are able to build sound saving
balance for their future Replace the word
savings
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
in addition
to the retirement
benefits that will function as a
safety stock for sudden future fund requirements,Remove the article
apply
accordingly
they can face the
future Correct article usage
apply
uncertinities
without any Correct your spelling
uncertainties
hazzel
as they have deposit money.Correct your spelling
hazel
hassle
For instance
,recent
Correct article usage
a recent
new
Correct word choice
apply
papaer
article concluded that Correct your spelling
paper
majority
of Canadian retired Correct article usage
the majority
people
living
happily as they have sufficient Wrong verb form
live
saving
stocks Replace the word
savings
in addition
to the
Correct article usage
apply
retirement
benefits.
To conclude
,This
eassay
disagreed that setting a Correct your spelling
essay
retirement
age
in common is unfair as above
pension Correct article usage
the above
age
is assist
Wrong verb form
assists
to
elderly Change preposition
apply
people
to avoid
Change preposition
in avoiding
dependency
on their kids
and increase
the happiness of Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
retirement
life.Submitted by aravindasajith on
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coherence and cohesion
Focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to increase coherence and ensure that each idea transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence and cohesion
Be sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This helps to frame your argument effectively and provides clarity to the reader.
task response
Develop the main points more fully by providing a greater variety of examples and more detailed arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
general
Pay attention to sentence structure and vocabulary to avoid errors and improve readability. Simple and correct use of language often has a larger impact than overly complex or inaccurate sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is clearly linked to the question to maintain relevance and clarity throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the response and guide the reader in understanding the main argument.
task achievement
The writer has made an effort to provide examples to support their points, which is a crucial component of a well-developed argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?