IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environment responsibility While others believe that tourists should not accept any responsiblity at all.To what Extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #tourists #environment #responsibility #responsiblity
There is an argument that
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 need to behave well socially
as well as
 maintain environmental quality.
Whereas
, others argue that there should
no
Add a missing verb
be no
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any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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burden to be received by them. I personally agree with the notion that societal and ecological duties need to be considered by tourists.
Firstly
,
travelers
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travellers
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 should respect locals'
tradition
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traditions
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 when they visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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a tourist destination. Before visiting new places, visitors need to do research more about the country they are willing to come
in
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to in
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 order to follow the regulations.
For example
, in Bali, there is a prohibition to not touch sacred trees. By doing prior
researches
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research
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,
travelers
 will be more careful and more understanding
to
Change preposition
of
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 the culture.
Thus
, it leads respectful relationship between locals and tourists.
Secondly
, vacationers need to have eco-friendly behaviour by keeping the places they visit clean. As visitors may produce waste from food they eat during trips, it is an unwritten rule to keep their
garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
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 if there is no
a
Correct article usage
apply
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trashcan nearby.
Moreover
, some places
also
 have a rule to avoid single-use plastic. In Jakarta,
for instance
, visitors need to bring their own shopping bags in order to reduce plastic shopping
bags
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bag
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 use.
Hence
,
while
travelers
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travellers
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 adopt
an
Correct article usage
apply
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environmentally responsible behaviour, they
also
 support local's government regulations. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
travelers
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travellers
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 are in charge of social and environmental commitment as it is not solely beneficial for the sustainability of tourist
site
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sites
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 but it
also
 an approach to
create
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creating
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such
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apply
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a deferential vibe for all related stakeholders.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's overall structure is quite clear, and the introduction and conclusion are present, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, consider improving the logical flow between ideas, especially within the paragraphs, to achieve a higher score. You might want to use more transition words and phrases to make the connections between sentences and ideas smoother.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help illustrate your points effectively, which strengthens your task achievement score. Nonetheless, aim to address both sides of the argument more comprehensively. While you have made a good case for why tourists should have social and environmental responsibilities, you have only briefly touched on the counter-argument. Including more balanced views can provide a more complete response.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but can benefit from further development. Providing additional details or subpoints can help to elaborate your main ideas and demonstrate a more in-depth understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a well-rounded structure.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the customs in Bali and regulations in Jakarta, effectively support your arguments.
task achievement
Your stance on the issue is clear and you have provided supportive reasons, demonstrating a clear response to the task.
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