IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environment responsibility While others believe that tourists should not accept any responsiblity at all.To what Extend do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an argument that
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 need to behave well socially
as well as
Linking Words
 maintain environmental quality.
Whereas
Linking Words
, others argue that there should
no
Add a missing verb
be no
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
burden to be received by them. I personally agree with the notion that societal and ecological duties need to be considered by tourists.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 should respect locals'
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 when they visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
a tourist destination. Before visiting new places, visitors need to do research more about the country they are willing to come
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
 order to follow the regulations.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bali, there is a prohibition to not touch sacred trees. By doing prior
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
,
travelers
Use synonyms
 will be more careful and more understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the culture.
Thus
Linking Words
, it leads respectful relationship between locals and tourists.
Secondly
Linking Words
, vacationers need to have eco-friendly behaviour by keeping the places they visit clean. As visitors may produce waste from food they eat during trips, it is an unwritten rule to keep their
garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
show examples
 if there is no
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trashcan nearby.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some places
also
Linking Words
 have a rule to avoid single-use plastic. In Jakarta,
for instance
Linking Words
, visitors need to bring their own shopping bags in order to reduce plastic shopping
bags
Fix the agreement mistake
bag
show examples
 use.
Hence
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 adopt
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmentally responsible behaviour, they
also
Linking Words
 support local's government regulations. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 are in charge of social and environmental commitment as it is not solely beneficial for the sustainability of tourist
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
 but it
also
Linking Words
 an approach to
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a deferential vibe for all related stakeholders.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay's overall structure is quite clear, and the introduction and conclusion are present, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, consider improving the logical flow between ideas, especially within the paragraphs, to achieve a higher score. You might want to use more transition words and phrases to make the connections between sentences and ideas smoother.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help illustrate your points effectively, which strengthens your task achievement score. Nonetheless, aim to address both sides of the argument more comprehensively. While you have made a good case for why tourists should have social and environmental responsibilities, you have only briefly touched on the counter-argument. Including more balanced views can provide a more complete response.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but can benefit from further development. Providing additional details or subpoints can help to elaborate your main ideas and demonstrate a more in-depth understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a well-rounded structure.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the customs in Bali and regulations in Jakarta, effectively support your arguments.
task achievement
Your stance on the issue is clear and you have provided supportive reasons, demonstrating a clear response to the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: