There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Presently, young children are immensely influenced to achieve educational goals.
Consequently
, certain people trust that to succeed in academic life non-academic subjects
, such
as physical education
and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus. This
essay disagrees with the removal of nonacademic subjects
from the primary education
syllabus. Firstly
, it helps to develop personal fitness
and personal skills, secondly
young can find suitable employment opportunities upon successful completion of those subjects
if they are interested.
To begin
,non-academic subjects
lead to personal fitness
development and skill improvement.Students is
specialised in those areas when they have been following it for quite a long time,Change the verb form
are
accordingly
, they are able to enjoy a healthy lifestyle by way of improving physical fitness
and following healthy food consumption.For instance
,recent research concluded that the majority of UK young crowed
Correct your spelling
crowd
has
a healthy lifestyle Correct subject-verb agreement
have
as a result
of these non-academic subjects
in their school circular.
Further
, learning subjects
like physical education
and cookery will enable wider
range of employment opportunities upon the successful completion of the subject.At present, food and physical Add an article
a wider
fitness
is fast growing
industries in the universe,Verb problem
are fast-growing
hence
business expands their operations to those industries rapidly,accordingly
, there are plenty of new career openings Correct pronoun usage
that prevail
prevail
in the market that can be filled by those who successfully grow in the path of Verb problem
apply
non-acedamic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
subjects
.For example
, According to
a recent new
paper Correct word choice
apply
article
the majority of employees who work in the food industry have a Add a comma
article,
non academic
background.
Add a hyphen
non-academic
To conclude
, the non-academic syllabus is crucial for young students’ education
as it assists personal development and creates employment opportunities.Submitted by aravindasajith on
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task response
Your response covers the key points of the task and provides a clear perspective on the topic. However, ensure that you present your arguments more cohesively. For instance, your paragraphs could be better linked to each other for smoother transitions.
coherence
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'Moreover' to connect ideas more clearly.
cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation for better readability. For example, avoid comma splices and run-on sentences, and ensure proper spacing after commas.
task response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the subject and provides logical arguments and examples to support your view.
structure
The introductory and concluding paragraphs are effective in framing your essay, giving it a clear beginning and end.
relevant specific examples
Your examples support your points well, making your arguments more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?