Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is widely known that
the
compulsory military services for young men after they Correct article usage
apply
graduated
from school Wrong verb form
graduate
has
been found in numerous nations, others suggest that it would be a good idea Correct subject-verb agreement
have
for implementing
the system in all countries for men and possibly women as well for the sake of its nation. The reasons why I disagree with the latter statement will be elaborated on in Change preposition
to implement
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that Linking Words
these mandatory military scheme
can be beneficial for the country. Change the determiner
this mandatory military scheme
these mandatory military schemes
This
is possibly because Linking Words
it's
not only Unnecessary verb
it
show
one's power in military Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
defenses
but Change the spelling
defences
also
a preparation for any possible unexpected intrudes. Take war, Linking Words
for example
; when the nation is Linking Words
under
crisis, manpower is needed Change preposition
in
beside
an Replace the word
besides
officials
soldier, Change the noun form
official
citizens
who have trained military service are playing Correct word choice
and citizens
in
a major role Change preposition
apply
for
the troops in order to protect their Change preposition
in
home
. Fix the agreement mistake
homes
Additionally
, in some countries like the Linking Words
states
, those who worked in the army Capitalize word
States
likely
to gain several benefits and earnings compared to Add a missing verb
are likely
others career
.
Fix the agreement mistake
other careers
However
, I personally argue in favour of the opponent side. From my perspective, Linking Words
such
Linking Words
coerced
scheme can be considered Correct article usage
a coerced
as
undesirable fate as Correct your spelling
an
this
can Linking Words
taken
one's dream away. Change the verb form
take
be taken
Military
service in Thailand, Change preposition
In military
for instance
, these young men's faith Linking Words
are depend
on their own hands when it comes to picking out Change the verb form
depends
between
random red and black Change preposition
apply
card
, which the former Fix the agreement mistake
cards
mean
they have to be deployed as Change the verb form
means
a
full-time Correct article usage
apply
soldier
Fix the agreement mistake
soldiers
instead
of pursuing their civilian Linking Words
goal
.
In summary, Fix the agreement mistake
goals
although
it is undeniable that the obliged military training can bring about both personal and national positive Linking Words
outcome
, I am of the opinion that the detrimental Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
effect
of Fix the agreement mistake
effects
these scheme
Change the determiner
this scheme
these schemes
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
its benefit
and should be revised before Fix the agreement mistake
their benefits
make
Change the verb form
making
it
into Correct pronoun usage
them
a
practice in order to satisfy the nation's safety and security and their people's right.Remove the article
apply
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay states a clear position and supports it with relevant arguments. However, some sentences could be made clearer to improve overall comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and coherence in your writing. Avoid complex and potentially confusing sentence constructions.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided to support the main arguments, making the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure of the essay is present, and there is a clear progression in the argument.